Just This Love, 051106

Understand me, i'm really at a loss of words.

HOHOHO, santa clause is coming to town.

Went out with dear today! Although we were all tire out, but it was a fruitful day after all. We ate so many many many many things. We learnt that the "ma la toufu" at the pasa malam in the interchange was FAKE!

We were so so so so tired ! We just can't keep walking on when i suggested going home. Orchard was so lively on christmas, its always as usual. Thanks to her cousin for getting me a present also!

Wat more! Greatest thanks to her for buying me a new pair of slippers ! To me, it really cost a bomb. WAHAHAHAHA. Thanks thanks. We were counting down at the block a few distance away from her house. We were celebrating the countdown with " tako balls ", although it taste like errr... and "ma la tofu", although it sucks!

Had fun! We were talking to each other when its 12 o clock!! wahahaha. one word, "climaxless" ! WAhhahAHA. Never mind, the excitment came about when i told her merry christmas! HOHOHO! She was laughing like mad!! woohoo..!!!!

Looking forward to more more christmas with you !! Thanks santa for giving me such a great present. The present is "you"!

here are some lame pictures! hahahaha

She was punching me!!!

Dun pull my ear, its painful!!!

Almost crying!

HUR? What did i done wrong?

Where got centre parting?
Omg, isn't this wonderful? I'm blessed?

I did something i realli regreted today, i shouted at my brother.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as i saw my brother crying, even when he is preparing to sleep. It's the first ever time, i think that i have gone too far, too harsh that he can't take it. When i always scolded him, he would always argue with me.

Today is just simply different, i made him cry today. It's the first ever time, my heart broke. I'm really sorry. When i ask him, why did you cry, guess what the innocent child told me? He replied weeping, " you shouted so loud. "

I immediately broke down, i had nothing to say at that point of time. Everything was just something that i can prevent it from happening. I always told myself that i must control the stress i have in me. My mother's naggings, on and on.

I just feel so so tensed up when my mother start to nag at me. The time when she is using scarcastic phrases to nag me. I really hate it. Fcuk it. I'm always so irritated by her rantings. This is when i lose control and start to lose my temper. I just cant tell her this, or even, i do not even know how to go about telling her.

All i can do, i must tell my brother, I'm really sorry for losing my temper at you. I'm really really sorry.

EScAPE theme park!!!

Went there with dear today!! It was the promotion! 6 dollars for child/adult ticket. We went in and the coupons offered us free ice creams and dear's favourite candy floss! We made a mess out of everything, when the candy floss melted! wahahaha. It was so damn fun!

We went to the lockers after that, and found out that the lockers WAS SGD $1 !!! It was hell lot expensive, compared to the swimming pools 40 cents!!! wahahahaha. After what seemed like eternity, dear finished the ice cream.

We went to sit the rainbow after that, when she told me to open my eyes! ARgh. Hell lot scary, and she is not scared at all?? The weather was so so so so hot ! We went to the viking, pirate ship, thinking that we would be cooler there. I was scared again. I hold on to the handle bar so tight when the ship came down.

O my , i'm so afraid of heights, aren't i? The rides queue was so so so so long! We managed to play the flipper after that. Hey, and this is the first ride i was not scared of ! Acheievement. We went to the carnival games, saw so many people winning the monkeys!!! It was so cute and dear like that so so so much.

Think that she was drooling when she saw that! I must win it for her. We use up the coupons by playing the "spin to win". Pure luck, i won the first prize. Almost got nothing, i was so lucky. I won her a bear. A poisoned bear, hahaha.

Yakult was the worst ride in escape. It made me so giddy wors. I was seeing stars, so many stars. I felt so giddy, i need a drink. We went to the lockers to fetch our cash and went to burger king. Bought fries and a large drink and found out it was hell lot expensive. Everywhere, people were holding the monkeys.

Dear was afraid of the haunted house! wahahaha. I found her weakness in the theme park. We walked one round in the house and went to the "wet and wild". Omg, our boat was flooded with water and imagine when the boat was lifted up. I sat at the back and my clothes were drenched.

EWWW!! The water was so dirty, and hopefully smelly. It was so cold after being drenched. The weather was turning cold after a shower. Last ride, pepsi revolution! I swear, i would never take that ride again ! It made me look as if i fell into the drain. wahahaha. My clothes were all dirty and the ride was turning me 360 degrees.

I was praying that the ride would stop immediately. O my. I decided to play the "horse riding" a carnival game. And to win the monkey for dear wors. I felt myself so drenched and smelly, my god. I lost the first game i played badly, two dollars flew.

She was so dissapointed isn't she? We went to the lockers and took our things and prepared to go home. I wanted to play the horse riding again and finally!! I WON!!! WOOHOO! See her elated face, it made me more happy than ever. I was so so so so happy when i saw her smiling so sweetly. hahaha.

Maybe i win due to a kiss on the cheek. Wahahaha. Anyway, it was real fun today although its only two person going to the ttheme park! I just like to see her smile everyday like this! Love you lots lots lots lots lots. Had fun fun fun fun fun fun!!! WAHAHAHAHA.

Wan pictures?

wahahaha.


The poisoned bear plus the monkey!

We with the monkey, she with the monkey, me with the monkey. wahaha.

Muacks!!!!!!!!!!!!


We and the monkey again, she with the monkey. See her smilng so happily ! wahahaha


HAHAHA!!! MONKEY!!!

Due to the popular request of my precious, i'm here to blog.

I found jobs damn difficult to find, especially in the midst of december. I found one more job, i don't even know whether its suitable for me. Hope it doesn't turn out like kbox. I'm afraid.

It's wrong to play in the rain!!!! Its so so so so so so wrong!!! Remember that ya?

Wow, whats that excitment? , Oh? Really ma? , Issit true? Dun bluff lar!

These phrases often welcome sayings like, "typical singaporeans using singlish."

Have we ever think before? Whats Singlish? It is a language which make singaporeans special isn't it? In japan, they have japanese. In spain, they have spanish, In great britain, they have their british english.

Whereas in america, they have the america english. It made them special isn't it so? Singlish is prohibited in singapore? No, it isn't, i think singlish is language which can actually boost up singaporeans speciality among the rest of the world.

We can have our own language? Can't we? Not just becuase that english is an international language around the world, we must stick to proper english isn't it? We have our roots? Don't we? Who invented english?

I heard that some people around the way think that singapore is a part of china! Just because singapore is more chinese populated? We are multi racial, and we have 4 different races. And the fact that we are living in racial harmony without conflicts can show how capable singapore is.

I'm moving away from these issues.

I blogging again. Once again, my craps are here.

Be prepared for the ultimate craps once again.!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm real sorry, i let my head rule over my heart.

EH! AUNTIE!!!


i wan that crokroachchan, and PLS ar, My tako balls ! i wan more GRASS pls!!!!!




WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Fcuk everything!

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I didn't ! I'm equally ........

I found myself a job, working at kbox wors!


But........................


The sad thing is, i need to work the night shift from 6-2!!!!


OMG!


You guys must be wondering, what the hell is this thing all about. Its just working to kill time and for the ultimate!!! MONEY!

Anyway, kbox is quite slacking anyway. I'm just sosososososo nervous!!!

ARGH! I WONT HAVE TIME TO PLAY THE PAPER STORY!

I WOUlDN'T HAVE TIME FOR ANYTHING WORS!!!!!!

BUT !!!! FOR MONEY!

WAHAHAHAHAHA

Maybe this is what i call ysuolaej.


A few more papers to go, i'm a free man by law until feb next year.

I just real worried, ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Repeated events seem to be pouring on me, i can't get out of this fate.

Friends that i have trusted, i have believed, i have shared things with. What are these? What do i get back in return? Immense pain when i found out that you are not able to keep a secret ?

Secrets are meant to be shared, i acknowledge that. Secrets can't be kept, i know that. But secrets can guage the value of friendship.

I'm thinking it over and over again, i can't do it. I can't, but relations would be strained...............

I hope nothing would happen, i really hope nothing would. I know you can't bear to lose her, neither do i want you to lose her.

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I'm sorry, real sorry guys. That i can't go out with you guys. I really have a cash flow problem now on hand. I would try to save to go out with you guys.

A man is the master of its own fate. I control my fate, no one can control mine.

It's been such a long time since i ever touch blogging, tired, the exams are driving me mad. Maths paper 1 is over, at least, so much of the shivering that i had. The maths paper 1 to me today was neither easy nor difficult.

Social studies was a real threat. Good governance, i pinned so much hope into it, hoping that it would be out this year. Nothing, it never come out, i did the northen ireland question instead. My aim for a1 is gone for combined humanities.

Walked from school to mac after the social studies paper, found that no one was there. Fustrated, i'm not. I'm only puzzled, why did no one tell me in advance that you guys will be late? I'm always late, thats why you guys didn't ring me up and at least tell me?

My god, chemistry, tomorrow is the killer paper. I really really hate chemistry, to the core. I really really hate it. I just don't get it why.

I just don't get everything now, i just don't get it. Many issues seems to be revolving around me, waiting for me to solve it. But here i am, sitting back and relaxing, no sense of urgency to solve all the problems at all.

Those are not my true colours, to phrase it more simple, its just my hidden fake character. I dun wish you to be in the state of perpetual unhappiness, i really really don't wish.


Chemistry paper takers tomorrow, all the best.!

Once upon a time, why do fairy tales always start with once upon a time? Does it mean that fairy tales are only appearing in the past rather than the present.

I once thought life was so beatiful with a great friend whom i can throw my sorrows on, i should not have entered this path long ago. My great friend whom always lend me a listening ear was never here anymore.

This whole story ended in an instant, it doesn't end like any fairy tales --- "and they lived happily ever after. " Instead, it ended with -- " Time, is the key to make me your great friend once again. "

How deep can this go? Isn't there a scar that you left in my heart, on the day you hung my phone. It was the first ever time, you told me "i'm going to hang". At the next instant, the phone goes " ..................................................... ". It was the sound of the line being cut off.

I teared in my dream, thinking of how i can recover this friend of mine again. You told me, you falling out, but i can tell you, i'm falling in.

I tried to ask you for a sweet friendship once again, but nothing. I'm left with nothing. Ironically, its none other than my own creation.

I want to have a freedom of choice, i want you back as a friend again. A friend that is always there, a friend that always stand my nonsense, a friend who always argue with me, a friend who always make me smile, a friend whom i can make her smile every single night of my life.

Are these moments going to come back ?

An un invited guest,
cladded in a transparent cloak.
trying to hard,
but to no avail.

Some proclaimed they care,
ironically,
not even a word,
face to face,
was the situation,
that one was to live in.

How hurting it is?
To be a seat apart,
to be left out all alone,
to be living in a world of solitary.

It hurts,
it really hurts,
it hurts to the extend,
that my heart is bearing,
the excrutiating pain.

Along with this,
all the things clogged inside me,
i tried to cry out loud,
no one hears me.

How sour had this friendship,
turned into?
since the day confession was made.
I rather turn the clock around,
to have a sweet friendship again.

Friendship always ends in love,
but not with love,
ending in friendship,
i never believe in this,
until the day,
your actions proved it true.

Who's not tired,
when everything is in such a unstable state,
i once walked in whole heartedly,
but now,
i'm trying to walk out.

For those memories are still behind,
it hurts,
no lies that it really hurts,
when i'm trying to leave,
all these memories behind me.

An invited guest,
cladded in a transparent cloak,
trying so hard,
but to no avail.

Some proclaimed they care,
ironically,
not even a speech face to face,
was the situation
one was getting.

How hurting are those words,
to be left out all alone,
i learnt a lesson from this,
"to go only when you are invited."

How sour this friendship had turned to?
since that day you confessed.
i rather turn the clock around
to have a sweet friendship again.

Friendship always ends in love,
love doesn't ends in friendship.
i didn't believe this quotation,
until the day,
your actions proved me wrong.

How was that feeling?
of being a seat apart?
how was that feeling?
of living in a world of solitary.

It hurts,
it really really hurts,
hurts to the extend
of my heart bearing the excrutiating pain.

Woke up in a daze, turned the alarm clock on my computer table and found that it was already 2.30pm in the afternoon. O my, why have i got this habit of waking up late again. Anyway, it was quite a fruitful day after all. Two chapters of social studies down, good governance and singapore industrial restructing.

Sent some sms, to two different people early morning. I received the replies, it's not about me blaming myself, but thinking of it, if i hadn't entered the world of friendship, would everything turn in such a drastic way ? It would not, after all, i shouldn't have appear from the very beginning.

Maybe a further distance away would be the only alternative out. Adopting this strategy would be only going against my own will. But if this is the only way out to make the friendship of you two recoline again, it doesn't matter whatever thats happening to me after that.

I bound to lose you two, i'm sure of that. Never would i just lose one, as the pain would be unbearable if i were to lose one. The pain of losing two is much more serious, but to see you two joyful once again, not having any problems or situations blocking you two from showering each other with "sisterly love".

I told myself, it would be such a pleasant scence. Everyone would be overwhelmed with joy, but will i adopt this way out? God bless.

Sins, something regarded as being shameful, deplorable, or utterly wrong. Who had never carried out any sins throughout their entire life? Who had never once did something that was so wrong, so difficult to clear our conscience?

Technically no one, things are difficult to explain in the ironic world that we are living in. Who had never been a backstabber in a circle of friends before? Who had never sunk in setbacks before?

Who in the world had never asked, why am i living in this world before ? Humanity, are all alike. We are claimed "brothers" because of this. What we are doing, is what other fellow humans are doing.

So, if you are giving up on humanity, think twice. I once thought that humans were worthless creatures, who use everything they could to go into the position of "POWER". Thinking back of it again, who doesn't love power?

Who loves being carried by the nose by another person who has the same "human" blood flowing throughout your body? Who would love to rather get into power and shower love at the people below you ? I would. Thats my aim for yearning for power.

Greatest apologies to my parents, i felt so guilty everytime i just tried to raise my voice at time. I'm really utterly sorry, i'm just inside a situation of letting people understanding me. I don't even understand myself at this point of time.

Am i the creator of this particular problem between the two of you ? Why in the first place should i ever appear infront of those innocent eyes of yours. Why?

Why do i get to lose 2 of the most important people in my life at this moment? Not physically, but mentally? I'm just really sorry for entering this.

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. --- Robert Louis Stevenson.

The harvest you reap, comes from the hard work you put in. No things in this particular world of us living in is without an input, a process and a result. 2 more weeks, just two more. The gce o levels is starting off with the maths paper 1.

Someone out there must be wishing upon that day, "after o levels, you will be nothing to me, i believe." Don't ever ask me how i managed to find your blog, even if you did so much manipulation the link.

Crack your brains and figure it out. I'm sure you can think of it. You're not at all stupid. You're clever, the only stupid people are those who can't unleash their utmost potential. So can i say, those late nights, those laughters, are all crushed.....

I tried, i really tried, believe it. I tried to walk away too, so many times, cause i'm sometimes just hurt by your words. Friendship often ends with love, but friendship with love? -- seldom or even never.

Utter bullshit, its really bullshit. I don't think in this way in the beginning, but till now, the perspective that you are giving to me is really closer and closer to that quote. I know you're going through hell lot toture, my greatest apologies for that.

Maybe after this entire shit, your life would remain as before, but one thing may be forever lost. A very good friend.

I don't aim for the impossible, but i aim higher than what i can actually acheieve. I'm always reaching for the stars. Why? I may not quite get them, but i won't come up with a handful of mud either when i reach for the stars.

I seldom blog, but i do blog when theres a need.

My ideas are all lost, ALL OF IT! I just can't seem to think of anything to blog about, i have no life either to blog on!

Winna's and Steph's birthdays are reaching soon, shall wish them happy birthday in advance !

Former united states of america franklin roosevelt had this quotation, " A genius without an education is like barren mine. " Geniuses are not borned to be, they are in fact trained to be. Who is ever born to have every single knowledge in the world?

Everyone can be a genius, its a matter of fact whether how we use our brains. Geniuses know how to use more percentage of the brain than us. This is the only single thing that we are lacking behind them.

Tomorrow is sci-ence pratical examination. I just suck in it, i just don't know why i keep failing my pratical examination again and again. I'm so so so tired, i really want to sleep !

---Thank you.---

You spoke out your heart yesterday. i'm glad. I'm real sorry, i'm very very apologetic towards what i've done to make you feel this way.

I didn't know that, if i have know it. I would not carry out what i was intending to do then.

I'm just..............................

I know, i wasted your time again. I'm real sorry, i didn't mean to. I can't tell you the truth also as if i was to tell you, i would not get to read it again. I'm real sorry.

xyz, why not come straight to the point. Whats the point of beating around the bush ?

I'm not in any mood, i'm just not. Not in the mood to talk to anyone, not in the mood to do anything. Let my mind flow, what comes into my mind, is what i'm going to do.

Tears dripped, when i read your last sentence of your post. I didn't love the wrong person, i loved the right person. You didn't always gave me sadness. You gave me happiness when you smile, you gave me sadness only when you are down.

I think of the happy times i had with you, even it was two whole months ago. The feeling was still there. Of course, love cannot be obligated, you followed your heart. You took responsible of the feelings and you answer that question.

I appreciate it, its true. Don't let this event dampened your mood. Tomorrow is a holiday, marking day. Enjoy whatever you can, reward yourself for the hard work u put in for this end of year examination.

I also hope that that will not be the last time we are going to msg each other. I passed all my energy to fate, no matter how cruel it is to me, i go by it. I miss you, certainly, but i can't do anyhting about it.

I'm just sorry, its the word that is meant to be said.

It's not for the fun, its not for the watever, think of what i have said to you. Think hard, and you will get the meaning. But i want to thank you, thank you and greatest apology.

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I went to your blog. I heard for myself, in my own perception, its that song. That particular song just give me a pecuilar feeling that you are still thinking of him. Maybe i'm wrong, correct me if i'm wrong.

I know that i'm a sensitive chap, i just can't get over small little things. Any small, trivial matter, i would kick up a big fuss over it. That's when i care, i care, i really do. I won't let my mind run, if i did not care anything about it.

I found myself on the passage way to hell. I'm just on the track of no return. I was thinking of this thing when i was walking home. I just can't put you off my mind, no matter what particular situation i am in.

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Whats with esteem? What are the disadvantages and the advantages of high and low esteem? I love to say i have a spitting image of "****". A superstar. My god, but i would get criticised by whoever it is.

No matter who it is, everyone would laugh at me. Ironically, we were taught to have high self esteem. Who wants to be made a joke out of everyone? So we chose the alternative path, we abolish the new things that we learnt, we go to the old practices again.

I just can't thinking of anything to blog right at this time, all my intution flew, flew, flew. To a place where i cal it hell.

It has been a day, since i touched my keypads using my fingers and sms you. Ask me why, its not that my feelings are fading. I'm just figuring something out. I thinking and thinking of ways to save this.

I seriously tell you, i fcuking hate one word replies in msn or whatever. I seriously hate it, but everytime when you reply one word, have i ever got pissed off ? Or have i took my time to think of what the hell to reply?

To me, one word reply means " nothing to say " . I use one word reply when i have "nothing to say". No offences, but i really find it really rather rude to say, "ya", blah blah blah. Whatever it is.

Why do i seem to think that i'm always the person that is always giving in ? When you reply with a one word msg, or msn. Have you thought that i am cracking my brains to think of what to say back to you, in order to not offend you. Or rather not make you bored.

No one is responsible of your feelings, running away from everything doesn't help to solve everything in general. Think it over after your exams, i tried my best to talk to you first whenever i am in msn or whatever.

Am i that bored to talk to ? Or am i just a pain in your flesh?

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I'm sorry if my words are too harsh, i just love to speak out from my heart. I'm sensitive, whatever you say. I just think that a blog is to be heard, what for phrase the setences into nice sentences and people get the wrong meaning over it?

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I really enjoy chatting with you when you're smiling happily, gleefully. I really love those times. I also love the times when we crack jokes, i cherish those times.

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Never mind, i'm just an idiot.

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Its not about giving in, its about what you put in.

Accidentally, i flipped through a bunch of letters without any permission. I took one up and read it. I understand the whole situation last time. I didn't know that, i really didn't know that.

I thought that we are far apart, so far apart that time. I didn't know that you are actually thinking of the problems in my perspective. The answer was certainly delayed for two days, in this heart of mine, i'm afraid that i would never have you again.

I hurted "someone" so badly, even i can feel the immense pain inside me. I turning into a complete idiot soon, real soon. I don't know what i can do the savage this particular situation.

I dun even know what are the ways to mend a broken heart. I was tossing and turning on bed, didn't slept a wink. I was thinking, thinking of a real stressful situation that can make me go bonkers anytime.

Had to make a decision no matter what, real sorry. If you are not hurt, i am hurt by the things that i have done, i have said. I'm real sorry.

Ratata, i really wish, really really wish to have you by my side. Be there when i'm down, happy, whatever. You gave me strength, you gave me hope, you gave me someone to hold and someone to love. Thats you.

These 2 months, two entire months. I tried my best but to no avail. God knows, only god understands me, but the god is not there. I had not once experienced it, nor felt it.

I cant even understand myself, and i'm god damn serious. My blog had remained stationary for such a long period of time. It's not that i'm lazy to blog, i blog! But as i type my post, intution starts to run out of my mind and i delete the whole post.

That made me skipped that day's post. I try to blog more often, but only if you guys are able to read the boring posts without falling asleep. There is one thing that doesn't need any intution to post.

Your daily life. Isn't it such a stupidity to blog about, "today i took the dog for a walk, then after that my dog saw a cat, the cat bite the dog, the dog eat the cat, blah blah blah."

These are really lame lame lame stories. There is nothing for me to blog at the moment, my prelims had just ended with very very very poor results it had left me.

I stop here for the day.

Those memories are still vivid in my mind. I love you, i seriously do

My blog has been so stationary for so long. I think that its really time for me to start blogging, the answer in particular has been delayed for two days. I don't mind as long as you are satisfied with this.

I need you dearly, there is one question always fluctuating in my mind. I do not have the courage to even speak it out to you. I kept this question in my mind, " Have you forgetton about him? "

Yea, this incident knocked me hard on my bloody head. I have no time to censor those vulgarities, so please make this post only visible to nc16 only.

Hacked at 5x again, don't which idiotic bastard, son of a bitch did it. I'm really fucking fuming mad inside my head. What seems to me, this game is really so sucky! It's as always, as always 2 characters, my fucking god.

Please someone make some god bloody sense into my head, i can't take it. How much i wish to chop that person, fucking waste of my precious youthful time. My heart is bleeding big time, that adds to the hurt that i have right now.

My god! God damn ironic shit! Make me fucking pissed ! Never mind about this, all blamed to my poor luck. Fuck it. Stop this that will dampened my mood.

My prelims results! Sucks to the core, on the edge of breaking into SHIT! C6s, where can i go? Got to become a road sweeper, my family is not as well to do after all, i do not want them to spend private schooling.

I come to this bloody home everyday, sit down facing my computer, hear nags! I'm sick of all this.

Few more days to go, i'm really afraid, afraid that i wil lose you forever. I dun want that to happen neither i want you to be unhappy, God bless.

My prelims results, one word, it suck. Chem, 49/100, Geo mcq 20/40, english paper 2 25.5/50, maths paper 1 47/80. O my, where am i actually heading with this kind of results? To hell with my stupid confidence, to hell with that of my mapling. To hell with it !

This is surely a hard knock on my head. I'm heading all out for the o levels. I would get at least b3 for all my subjects, excluding f and n ! I would get it and i must ! No point vacillating in this kind of stupid results forever, i'm not getting anywhere with it.

Study break until the o levels is coming soon, i hope this would be the time for me to catch up with my subjects. It will be over in no time, by then ! I can throw all my notes away and slack all i want.

Nothing to blog about also, not in the mood anyway, i blog again. Hear from me again.

Found that i haven been blogging these few days, i think its because of my prelims. My greatest apologies to mrs ramos for sure not doing well for geography, i can't meet ur expectation of b3. I'm really sorry.

Today post is to this particular person, if you know who you are. I bet you know, i don't question your intelligence.

Clarify this quickly, its not the promises that you have made to someone or whoever. Its not about the promises, its about your heart. Its about your fear, your guilt? Whats wrong with a new stead ? No one ever call you to advertise, but changing your blog ? What does that meant?

Guilty, i think so. Firstly, is it fair to whoever your new stead is? Come on, this is the point where SHE thinks that she is guilty for making you to be like that. The hurt that she gave you, she is guilty of it.

Sucks! I think you should be the one who should be guilty. A three years relationship ? What have you actually gave her? Pure hurt ? Liking someone else ? Made her cry so badly on your birthday? Have you noticed the hurt that you are implementing to her ? NO? Bang your house wall hard now.

Who can she turn to when she is feeling down? You? I doubt so. She turned to her friends for help, and you are jealous. You're jealous, but to think of it. The cause was made by you. Think of it. She found out? SO? Can't she just put it in her blog?

Does it matter to you anymore? Please kindly ask those friends of yours to not unleash stupidity and blabber what they saw in her blog? A ripper in her blog now? You like it? I don't! I seriously don't.

You chose this way, live with it. Don't ever ever come back when you and your new girl has broken up. If you do that, god bless you. But have you ever know how much the CAN'T stop them hurt her?

I bet her heart is bleeding as she was reading it. Just with some profound english, the anon can tag and make herself a nuisance in someone's else blog? Pure stupidity. Wake up, kid.

Live with the way you chose to live, and let her clear her guilt. She doesn't want or even hope you 2 to not last now. In fact, she wants you two to be happy and everlasting, is that her fault once again.

Think of it.

Whats life after death? Whats death after life? Whos god? Pratically, seriously speaking, who knows? There is a quotation going, " Life is predestined by god ", is it? To me, its not. We control our own life, whatever we do in our life, whatever we work for, comes true.

Can the mighty one give you power in the sense that you can acheive everything that you want just by slacking around every single day of your life? The answer is? NO! Its not fate that control our life, its we ourselves that controls fate.

In love, there is always a saying about, " two must have an affinity to become lovers for life ". Is that so? Does that happen to you guys? Or have you guys done something to create that affinity?

Like i'm always spamming, is life expecting too much from me or am i expecting too much of it. I just can't understand it, the irony of life, who can explain it ? Tied down, just tied down by thinking where one is to go after death.

Would you go to the world where everything is so beautiful? Or would you go into a world with temperature as hot as burning sulphur? We're out to learn, just like new born childs stepping into this world.

Gandhi, made this quote before and i totally respect him. " Learn as if you are living forever, live as if you are dieing tomorrow ". We always let opportunities slip past in our lives, the lives that we are controlling with our own very hands.

The quizzes gave you an amount of how much ur life is worth, thats really crap. Everyone, in particular, lives are precious and priceless. Try this, take out a piece of blank paper and put the amount of both your hands, your eyes, your legs, if someone is forking out a price to buy it.

You should be scribbling amount like 10 thrillion for a hand? If you got anything like 1 million and below, thats holy crap. Add them all up, this is how much your life is worth. Bill gates, being the richest man in the world have only an asset of 40-50 billion us dollars.

Is he able to buy just one of your hand? No, do you see life as a precious subject now? Treat life seriously, don't ever let opportunities slip past. Strike when the iron is hot. Inspire yourself to succeed in life, who doesn't want to become a multi millionare, enjoying life as days past?

They may not be happy also, think of it.

If i had the power to choose to keep one thing that in my life. I would choose your heart, the heart that lightens me up every single day of my life. I love you.

Go down to blogthings.com, thats what i learnt from rita. I went to do some quiz and find some quite true. One of the quizzes would be,

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy, Music, Theology, Art, History, Foreign language

I love those subjects mentioned, another quiz that i took,

You Passed 8th Grade US History

Congratulations, you got 6/8 correct!

I took quite alot of time thinking about the us history! It's difficult so difficult ! I managed to find some information and at least pass 6 ? Aren't i'm great?

After which, an irony struck me, i was laughing my ass out. I took the quiz which foreign language should you take and i eventually got this answer.

You Should Learn Chinese

Surprised? You shouldn't be - Chinese is perfect for an ambitious person like you.You're a natural entrepreneur, and a billion people are waiting to do business with you!

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. You give and take equally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

This is about how am i in love, these quizzes are getting more and more fun! All thanks to rita.

You Are 30% Left Brained, 70% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Till now, i'm still not sure whether if i'm left or right brained, but i love to day dream and think about stupid things for sure.

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

Your Career Personality: Independent, Insightful, and Ingenious

Your Ideal Careers: Architect,Artist,Business strategist,College professor,Computer programmer,Mathematician,Neurologist,Philosopher,Photographer,Video game developer

The last one, i blog again later. Take care people, thanks rita for the quizzes

I woke up at 11, with a blank state of mind. Terrible headache it may be, i still carry on with what i'm doing. Those late night sleep, all may be caused by one word, "games". Why are computer games just so "magnetic"? In the sense that you would not let your eyes go off the screen when you are playing, nor you want to be distracted while you are playing?

My god, i really have to change this habit of mine. It's getting from bad to worse,f and n paper is coming round tomorrow. Ask me this question, have you studied? Honestly, no. It's not that i do not want to study for it, the f and n book really hypnotises just like chemistry.

I felt that i'm studying another another s-ci-ence ! Its just like biology, burning the pages, dip it in water and drink it up to the brim. Just like what some traditional chinese customs do, its pure memorising!

How much information is the brain going to store? We have 7 different subjects, each subjects has around 20 plus chapters, does it mean that we have to memorise all word by word ? How to study smart for f and n? I do not know, anyone knows instead?

My home is getting noiser as days goes by, the everydays quarrels is decreasing. BUT something more disastrous is happening nowadays, that idiotic brother of mine do not seem to understand human language. He just can't co-operate with my parents and i.

What can be slotted into his mind to make him listen ? Pratically nothing,i just hate those shoutings at home. I really hate it to the core, why can't my home be a home that is noise free? Why can't my home be a home that is so peaceful that you can only hear the sound of the clock ticking at night.

I wished for that day, i also wished for the day that you return to my side. I don't want to live my life in agony, neither do i wanna live my life without you. I feel so empty inside, but the daily smses that you send also cheer me up in every single day of my life. You know, i care for you, and i hope that you know that.

I'm don't sweettalk you, cause what i speak out is the truth. I don't sweettalk, should i put that rather.

Because i love you, you were my strength when i felt so weak, you were my light when i couldn't see. For that i love you, you know it.

I found that i have skipped yesterday post, i'm sorry but my blog is becoming stagnant. Mosquitoes are going to breed in here, crows are going to peck those heads of yours, lions are going to eat up the elephants. Life is going to be extraordinary.

I just get so lerthagic when i face the computer over a long period of time. Monday is f and n and still i'm here playing with the case that is so so so cold. Its the CPU! Why does the cpu generates more fascinating things that attract us? Why doesn't books do that?

If books are going to that, whats wrong with 7 a1s at o levels? Sad, by the fact that books doesn't do this. Its our own mindset that controls our studies! Found an interesting, real interesting quote, maybe i can apply it to myself.

Some people wrote this, " Punctuality is the virtue of the bored ". To me, its rather amusing plus idiotic. For people who know what it means, don't you find it rather err....... For people who doesn't know what it means, find out the meaning and judge it.

Throw away your f and n books and pray to god. That will make you pass your f and n. It's a lame strategy, don't ever adapt it. I'm so tired, yesterday history paper was like quite a blessing to me, but results would show.

I didn't have much confidence, i'm glad that i know how to do one question well. No ideas to blog anyway, maybe i would be blogging later, pls fill up the forms with your honest comments.

love you ever since.

Wow, social studies and chemistry paper finally down. Chem paper was a real killer, easy in the sense if i know all the concepts. To me, everything seems so foreign to me, i used all of my memory bit and bit to form up the unknown jigsaw puzzle in my head.

Tomorrow is history, found out that the chapters are like so big for me to memorise. Why, why is this happening to me? Distractions? I can do it last time, why can't i do it now? Never mind anyway, leveled kaying to lvl 70 today.

One whole level, isn't that so great of me? Never mind, this is to show my gratitude of you spending your time after work to help me cope with my prelims. Its getting more and more tensed up this examination period !

Exams exams exams, just as gary said, exams is not memory. Its the SPEED of memory. I agree truly and i can testify for that. Imagine i did not have time to do one essay question of my social studies paper! 13 MARKS! Flew away in an instant. Gosh!

Think of prelims seriously my dear friend. We have the mentality of saying, "prelims only, i work hard for o levels." Until o levels, we would be cooped up in revision as we are revising from scratch. Study a little for the prelims, it helps. If you revise some topics now, you would have lesser to revise for the o levels.

You're clever, everyone can see that and everyone cares for you. Even friends that you just know care for your welfare, studies. Remember, study hard ! Not to the point where you are going to commit suicide, but to the extent that you are doing in 1e1. Remember those times.

After today, i find that its really such a pleasure to help another person charitably. I would continue to do so, maybe good deeds can help me to cleanse my sinS! Ow, crap!

I love you is always stated every day, its boring isn't it? I changed it to.

I love the person that i do not want to lose. AND THATS YOU, i would love you even you are a piggy. DUH.

Almost thinking of skipping my post for the day. Due to much popularity of this reserved space of mine, i have to blog. O my, self praise again, its real international disgrace. Do i sound "emo" as in emotional?

Thanks to tammy for giving me that praise. I really appreciate it. Thanks alot. You're apparently the first person to say that to me. Anyway, thanks again. Met kaying yesterday at macdonalds, she was trying real hard to teach me chem.

Unfortunately, after leaving school for two years, even an 8 point grader for o levels forget what she have actually studied. Thanks alot too for helping me, actually i understand quite a number of concepts under your guidance. Omg, this is a praise for sure.

Kaying was waiting for me at the mac, and i was late as usual. I reached there, i ate, she teach english, chem, blah blah blah. One thing that strike my memory was that "NCC GUY". I was laughing my ass off, kaying was making fun of her junior!

"IS this planet earth? Why am i studying? Why am i here?" She was talking in the perspective of that ncc guy. AND further more, she was imitating the guy! O my, thats lame but its real funny. I was reckoned as a shortie after which. I remember that for life!

Today english paper was somehow easy, somehow difficult. I do not even know if i had write out of point for my essay. Gosh, i used stylish writing in my essay! I'm learn too much from MR GOH SIN TUB. I simply love his writings, his stories.

Anyway, tomorrow is chemistry. Thats a subject thats a real killer for me, should i burn midnite oil today? Yes i should to a certain extent. After i finish my chemistry and ss revision, i would pounce onto my bed. and have a good night sleep.

You're certainly not a lousy loser, you not a loser at all to me. You're always a winner. A winner whos achievements are etched real close to my heart. Remember, i'm always there, for sure. I would be there even if you were to walk right into the heart of the ocean.

I love you, i really do.

One pathetic wall, so arduous that one can't push it away, or crush it just by physical strength. Friable as it may be, it only depends on the mental strength that you are to have. What for add this constraint into this friendship of ours? What's happening?

Is this a retribution or is this a dramatic play? So what should be named as this? " Irony of life? ". The barrier is really right in front of my very eyes, right in front of my very heart. Who can take it away, you ask yourself. I do not know how to answer you.

Shu ning, i really envy you for putting down ur sorrows in life and live your life to the fullest. With your family around, your friends around, your partner around. Thinking of it, is this that difficult to acheive? Is life expecting too much of me? Or i'm expecting too much from it.

Hallucinations appear whenever i'm feeling so low. I see stars gliding in the endless night sky, that scene was certainly magnificent. At that moment, i would think, think about the how would it be so great to have time stopping at this very moment.

If it was forever like this, i do not mind living for another decade perhaps another century. Why are people borned the mentality to yearn for power? Why must there be a boss? Why must there always be a bigger position for everything in life.

Can't human beings be borned with the mentality of sharing and giving ? God, this would let me think that you are really not almighty after all. Although it would be so boring to live in a world with everyone of the same characteristic. Would it be more exciting to live in a world of human beings who are lack of conscience?

Friends, they claim they are there for you in your hour of need. What does friendship truly means? Does friendship means creating a barrier considering the welfare of another friend ? For this, i reckon friendship as "sucky". So by doing this, it helps me? It brigthens up my day? I tell you straight, you know who you are. This doesn't help me, instead of losing one, i lost two important people at a go.

Never mind, i go by you wish, if you still choose to continue this path of yours, so be it. Make a clean break of friendship, you wont have to hold on to this burden. Thats what you wish? I doubt not so.

I didn't expect too much from life. Life is taking away too much from me, have someone ever wonder? We slog for? We study for? We do everything for?.

I'm spending my days in solitude without you, i need you because i love you.

When i was still young,
everything was so pure and innocent.
I saw everything in black and white,
for all the things were so obvious.
Either right or wrong,
no arguments, no pros, no cons.
Choices were precise.
Pure and joyous clarity
gave me a simple life.

When i grew and learned to face the world,
i felt so unprepared.
Black and white turned gray.
My unfaltering vision failed,
focus left my pure and innocent eyes.

Cause choices were once so obvious,
i can't tell right and wrong.
Today i'm a teenager,
living in a world that nothing is clear.
I'm seeing through an adult's eyes,
for it be a child's biggest fear.

I stepped into this very world, leaving my childhood, in search for a better future. Some of the things can be articulated, others cannot. What is this world of mine coming to? A world there i am slotted between right and wrong?

A world that there are no clarity to be seeken? Or even a world that life is not worth to be continue. Who can take me by the hand, stand by me in my hour of need or rather chase away all my doubts and fears.

The irony of life cannot be explained, even a croco hunter fighting the world's most dangerous reptile, can be killed by an stingray, moving so gracefully in water. The message that god is trying to convey, never judge a book by its cover.

The phrase seemed so easy and yet so difficult. No one can ever understand, when is the time that life would call and end for you. No one is able to predict when is the time, where we can see light out of this imaginary elongated tunnel of ourselves.

No one, pratically none.

School is starting again in a few hours time, thinking of what i've been doing these few days or rather one week of my holiday. Pratically nothing. Nothing as in nothing fruitful. Yes, i did bury myself in books. But only for around 4 hours throughout the whole holiday.

I'm guilty of what i've been doing. I feel so bad.Exams are coming and i'm still on this track of playing. Tell you what, i would change now. Right now! Reflecting on my actions from yesterday, reflecting on what i have carried out through my actions to my friends around me.

Guys, if you feel any uncomfortable with me. Feel free to speak your mind out, i would do my best to change it as soon as possible. I've been thinking about this word, F-R-I-E-N-D-S-H-I-P, since yesterday night.

I just can't figure out a definition from it. What does F means? What does R means ? etc... I just can't figure it out. I been burying myself into mapling this holiday. From the moment i wake up till the moment i end my end, never an hour is short of maple! Be it between conversations, or inside the game.

I need to adapt to the intense studying life now. Tuesday is my first paper, or rather my science pratical. To be serious, i know a shit about chemistry. I tried to force myself to listen real hard in the chemistry lesson, but one thing is that, my brain cells is always sleeping after half and hour of real listening.

I'm always hypnotised in chemistry lessons. I really do not know why, its not the teacher's fault, its mine. My own foundation of chemistry is weakened ever since the day i learn chemistry that was two years ago.

Two years later, my mindset is situated that "study also fail, never study also fail, might as well not study". When is the time that i can ever get back on the right track again. The power of regret is really that disastrous that i do not even want to taste it.

I do not even want to have a feel of it. I was thinking about lots of things yesterday, and i thought of this thing. I thought of the definition of "losers". A loser is certainly not someone who loses in the form of a competition etc. Or rather a winner is definetely not just a person who wins something and bring glory for something, someone or himself.

Remember, there are black and white portions of life. There are also gray sectors that cannot be explained. To me, a winner is someone who unleashed his/her own potential, put in his/her very best in doing something. Thats a winnner.

However, on the other hand, a loser is a person who fails to unleash his/her stored potential, thats a loser to me. A loser is also someone that let their head rule over their heart.

No man is given 25 hours a day. Each and every person living on this planet earth have 24 hours a day. Its how we manage it, how we use it, how we waste it. Time is always impartial, its only that we have took it for granted. When things start to have a different turn, we would push all the blames to time, without having reflecting ourselves.

So, lets now grab hold of what we have. Do not let opportunities slip past our hands. As a saying goes, strike when the iron is hot. Perk up ourselves and get ourselves a life. A life that we would not regret for an entire lifetime.

For my fellow maplers especially guild Lucidious, i miss you guys certainly. I would be back after the o levels. Thanks for the help you guys gave and remember do not sacrifice too much time in maple! If not you would become,

Hatred in that bloodshot eyes of his, he thought i love scolding him. My heart breaks everything after i scold him, but how will he ever understand. He bear grudges against me, i hope everything would be fine after his maturity.

My blog is really rotting nowadays, its not that i do not want to post. I do not actually know what to post about. Life is getting more and more boring for me. My brain cells are not working at all.

They do not want to vibrate. Molecular vibrations is not functioning, neither is free electron diffusion. Even now, my miind is about physics. PRELIMS! They are pouncing hard on me, so hard that i can't push it away and get up on my feet.

Up till this point of time, i still insist on my point. I don't want to leave school so early. I miss so many things of this particular school ! I miss the canteen food, i would miss the teachers, i would miss those monkey buisness. AND CERTAINLY, i would miss HER!

Like others, how i wish time would stop here. I would be able to enjoy the last few weeks for school life that i have. Just in two more weeks, after the going through of the prelim papers, we would be gone.

She's just out there, just out there. I close my eyes, i would think of her. My hands would feel rather "cold" without hers clinging onto mine. I miss the warmth, i miss those times. I miss her.

There are many things money can buy, there are also some things money can't buy. I'm not exactly rich physically, but i'm rich when it comes to my feelings for you truly. I'm loaded with passion wholehearthly. Seeing you giving a smile, a laugh, or even a joke, is far better than a million dollars transferred into my bank account.

Seeing you sad, depressed or down, is worse that losing a million dollars without my knowledge. I'm doing my own best, to walk down this unforgiving path. No matter where it leads me to, i would carry on. For this is the path i chose, for this is the path i know, for this is path that lead me to the key that can open the gate of happiness.

As william shakesphere has a quote, "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. " Bless your mind with thoughts, i blessed mine with thoughts and i'm willing to follow my mind. Dizzy spells are being casted on me today. I felt so dizzy, so restless, do not even know if i have the energy to revise later.

My days of the holidays, starts at 11 and ends at 4. I only slept 7 hours a day even in the holidays. Prelim exams are drawing so near, so near that using two hands of the fingers can actually count down the days. Sheer confidence revolving in me, i'm real scared.

I love you, i always do.

Yesterday news pop up, steve irwin was dead after bitten by stingray. He was the one who actually tamed the world's most dangerous reptile. But with bitter irony, he was dead after the deadly stingray bit him on the chest.

A stingray is a passive animal and would only attack when its treathened. Salute him guys, for without him, there would not be any croco documentary on kids central. He was also a person that made an austrailian zoo a famous tourist attraction.

He pass on without any regrets, i think his only regrets is he haven't had the chance to finish the documentary of underwater deadly animals.Lets salute to this world wildlife saviour.

Is there a saying that, good things always come to an end? I tried to change my perspective yesterday, but in the end. I cannot make it. Your cabilistic mask of yours now make me look at so many person twice before i actually trust someone and say, " hey , u're my friend."

How lame, anyway. Spend my time studying as well as playing is much more exciting for me. It beats thinking and thinking. For now, i don't need to know the answer. I stand by your decision, feel free to tell me when you actually arrive at a decision.

Greatest thanks to mrs ramos for praising me for the things that i have done. I will strive hard in life, as i know, nearby there is someone that cares.

I love you, and i certainly. I do not want to lose you much as i want you back badly.

Close ur eyes for a moment, imagine waking up early in the morning with the door wide open for you.

Birds soar above the azure blue sky, a plot of field awaiting your first step. Animals grazing on ur plot of land, flowers blossom as if it was springtime. The scence was so magnificent, you wished that it can last forever.

How you wish that this scene would stay put there for the rest of your entire life. How you wish that life was not moving in such a fast pace now. If there were so many how i wish, my assets would probarbly overtake bill gates now.

A wish, whats a wish? A desire? a strong inclination? for a specific thing. Wishes only appear when you actually work for it. Try slacking your whole life and wait for god to drop gold coins from the sky.

Will he ? If someone were to say he will, try taking a hammer to knock that head of him. Don't you guys agree? We have to work towards our wish,wishes doesn't appear in reality. So whats the real point of runing away from reality, the truth is the truth.

There is none other than one explanation from everything in life. We have a reason whenever we do something, the same old reason ever. Nothing ever changes. We are in a repeative schedule every single day.

Who appears in our life to save us from this boring stages of life? Its not god, its not an angel. For me, its you. With you, my world can be more colourful. You can paint my world from a black and white, to a colour of a rainbow.

Will you give me a chance once again? I really love your presence, your laughter, the way you smile. I really can't, i really can't, i really can't be without your presence. Your sweetness is much akin to the taste of sugar.

Every inch of you can cheer me up when i'm feeling down. Can i have a chance once again? I need you because i love you. I really wish to know the answer, i really really wish.

I'm sick, i can't do anything, i can't go anywhere. Whats the reason? I'm sick. I've been grinning over someone's sorrow. I think i have my retribution now. Intended to spend this one week holiday studying, but at this stage? God save me, i want to get well !

Teacher's day ended in an instant, this would be my last year celebrating for the teachers that i cherish. How i wish, everything did not move in such a fast pace. Thanks to mrs ramos for saying that my poem was beautiful.

Went to study with peggy yesterday afternoon, yeah, i'm lazy. But i managed to learn something. I learnt the El tacado! Thanks to peggy, for passing me her greatest knowledge. It has been two days since i actually update this blog of mine.

Intution had not come into my mind since two days ago. I'm so held up with things. I want to take a break. I can't, i can't. Everything in my world is moving at such a fast pace. How many more days is o levels approaching?

Passing grades for the o levels is definetely not the results i want to acheive. I want something higher than that. Imagine all C6s? It would add up to 30 in the L1R4. Where can i actually go? Nowhere!

Prelims are drawing near. Confidence? 40%! What can i acheive like this? I'm so afraid that i would flunk my prelim papers. I'm so afraid, i'm so afraid.

Take care of yourself, and at the same time be careful of the weather there.

Took quite a number of photos today, omg, they are so cool. Show you guys,

Mr ang , my favourite maths teacher and i.

After which, miss tan! And i. Cool ?

Now, mrs sharon tan, saleh and myself. I miss those times in secondary 3.

mrs haniff and us, can u spot pearllene?

Whats with this pic anyway, mr vanan, saleh and myself!

last but not least, of course, its my favourite geo teacher! MRS RAMOS!

I really had a meaningful teacher's day. This last year celebration is certainly one of the best i ever had since i been in school 5 years ago. Hope everyone enjoys themselves today and lastly, happy teachers day to all the teachers of junyuan secondary school.

This poem below will be dedicated to mrs haniff, mrs ramos and other subject teachers of 4e5. Although i'm not shakesphere, but this poem is just a sincere dedication for the care and love that they showered us with all these while.

Despite those diversification of our characters
you are always there to help us in each of our needs
our world is never complete without people
who passes us knowledge
sacrifices time
without any reward in return.

When the sky seemed to shatter and fall on us
you are the one who will use your utmost effort to hold it
in case it crumbles and hurt us mentally or literally
for you cherish every single one of us.

For you are always impartial
never once you will shun us away
cause you believe
in our hearts
we are willing to learn.

Some moments flacuate in my mind
those unforgettable moments
the youth day macdonalds
the time where you are always there
when we needed help
those times when the class spirit is as one.

Without you teachers
there would not be anyone to guide
or light up our pathway
to a perfect 'heaven'.

Without you teachers
one would never know
how much effort one is willing
to sacrifice for the people that they love.

You guys show us the light
for a better future
you all stayed after school
just to coach us

With frequent reprimands
to motivate us and press us to work hard
With some jokes
you make the lesson not as boring.

Although you cannot be compared
to the advanced technology
which is more fascinating
but one thing that can be assured is
that you guys left a memory in our hearts
for the rest of our lives.

Happy teachers day.

Whats making my head to spin? Those tight schedules of mine? Like today, i really hate this. I study till 4 in the afternoon. I have my appointment at new york at 5, i have to go back to the night study after that. This life suck.

I was at the mrt station walking to white sands, when someone approach me. I was thinking to myself, "whos this? ", surprisingly, the first things she ask of me was. " Today no school ar? " I was of course thinking what the heck to myself.

Without prior knowledge, i confirmed once again that i didnt knew her at all. She was just a surveyer. O my, she scare me out of my wits. What she said to me? Guess it guys, she talked to me about studies and said "see you so stress, bye".

O my, the feeling was intense. I was damn embarassed or vice versa? She walked away just like that, of course, i was thinking again to myself, " am i that stress? you're telling me that you can see it on the face of mine? "

One joyful thing is that, cryena is back. She is so undescrible, i found out that i actually talk quite alot to her nowadays. The way she squeezes those black heads out of this bloody face of mine, is not painful at all. I'm glad. Shes back.

Had to rush for night study later, the old chang kee that i bought for eileen foo and pearllene goh is certainly crushed and topsy turvy.It was from pasir ris to tampines and tampines to tampines. Such a long journey, i pity the old chang kee.

Thanks for the ez link peggy and thanks for the snickers and drink EILEEN FOO! I tell you, the vangoh pearl wont fall, cause the captain is always so passionate! Crap!!!

And you must eat hor, dun always wait till dinner. If you wan to become a paper eater, i write letters for you everyday. Like this you can eat all you want. At least i know that you are eating. Must eat ar! I love you, i certainly do.

Quarreled with my mum over a trivial matter yesterday, i have to relfect on this attitude of mine. Its getting from bad to worse, its been quite a long time since i ever saw my mum crying infront of me since the adam khoo's course. Greatest apologies once again, but nowadays i'm really quite tensed up.

I get irritated nowadays by the slightest comment, i got myself ruined these few weeks. Also greatest apologies to another person, pearllene. I'm really owe you a sincere apology. I should not even have done that in the first place.

I would change, i surely would. Slept at 4 o clock in the morning yesterday, woke up at 1 o clock in the afternoon today. Its been such a long time since i had such a good chat, full of jokes, laughter.

"Gentlemen, change your m16 rifles to the new PLASTIC weapon." The soldier would then reply, "Sir! Bo effect lehs!". After which the officer reply, "Just continue firing!". This is really dscriminating. How can that person name our singapore created SAR 21 as plastic weapon.

I'm patriotic, not to a very very large extent. But at least, to that extent of not discrimating my own country. Our country is so great, those lovely national songs, those lovely politicans, those lovely policies. But theres something not very good. I know why some people say that singapore is a "fine" country.

Anyway, i know that i'm a fool overnight! Thats what i found out. O my, why is this so? I always thought that i can do it, but now i know that i think in a too complex manner for simple things. I would think simple next time! HAHA! What for i thought of morse code just for a few numbers!

This is a real joke, anyway, thank you once again for letting me not give up. Thanks for helping me in the blog, i wont give up on things so easily next time. I would perserve and persist till the end.

I stop here for the day, take great care guys.

I HAVE NEW YORK APPOINTMENT TOMORROW!!!! HAHA!!! I'm SO SOSOSOSOSO GLAD!

Tired, i had to repeat myself over and over again. I'm tied up with busy schedules day in and out. I'm have this thought nowadays and i think of why are we really studying? Of our future, of money? Ow, crap. How i wish the society had not been that cruel in the sense that we need paper qualification to succed in life.

The society we are living in is surely not the worst compared to centuries ago. Centuries ago, people were ruled by kings and queen. Meritocracy was not implemented, people were judged based on their wealth. Who cares about living in those worlds? They were more difficult obstacles to overcome.

However, thinking again. All you need is a paper in life. A paper that is laminated with a plastic coating over it. A paper that requires you to have as many A's as possible. What can we do if that paper is burnt, destroyed or even crushed?

Have we ever thought of that? Who rules our future? Ourselves. Whats the price that we have to pay? Intense stress! Burying your heads in books every single day of our life, who seems to have the interest in text, text and text!!!!!

I admit that i'm not working very very hard at the moment, but what seems to crumble on me is also stress? I never even had the chance to think of those who are clocking in 6 hours of their time in serious studying every single day. May god bless them.

Think of ending my life, literally and mentally.

One idiotic prisoner, with two hands tied up using metal chains. A metal whip that strikes me hard in the mind and body, bleeding profusely. Blood oozing out of my wounds, and i cant take it anymore.

I'm tired ok, questions after questions you gave. Those questions are not meant to be answered, in the fact that i don't even know how to go about answering them. What do you benefit from the answer, intense happiness if the answer is positive? Or rather feeling down when the answer is negative.

I didn't meant to say don't know, how i wish i can just say "ya, i like her" just to let you stop asking me questions anymore. I thought about the welfare of yours, did you ever put my welfare in that pea brain of yours?

How tired, how stress am i ? To answer your questions. I lack in freedom, the freedom to say out what i have to say, the freedom of who i want to be with. The freedom of who i want to choose as my friend.

Yeah, i was tolerant once, but not now. I really too too indirect that i gave you the wrong meaning that i am there to listen to your "chanting". In fact, we don't know each other VERY well and what happened between you and her is none of my problem rite?

Am i the cause of it? I'm not. Think about what is the cause of the main problems. Approach it, solve it. Don't come asking me what to do, how to tell her, i have no answers to those questions of yours, i really don't.

I don't look like a fortune teller, do i? i can possibly say how she reacts when the things has not happened yet. I have my own problems to deal with, i have my own life to run, i have my own person i love.

Clear of whats the answer?

I'm dead beat after getting back from school. I feel like an absolute stingray, without its bones. Feel like lying here and not waking up forever. I'm so vulnerable to so many medical problems if i continue like this.

Things seemed to be crumbling onto me once again, combining those trash to one pile of ironic shit. My geography mcq 13/25 -- 52%. My expected grade --- 65%. Calculate and i know how much am i actually to that target of mine.

My social studies, 13/25 -- 52%. My expected grade --- 75%. My history, i'm going to flunk it anyway. I didn't even wrote the most important point of the essay. Am i too confident or am i just pure stupid?

Why did i score well for my humanities in secondary 3? Is it because the paper is more easy in sec 3 or more diificult in sec 4? Or did i put in more effort in sec 3 then in sec 4? I doubt so. I'm sure i'm trying my best for my subjects. EXPECT FOR chem!

Chemistry is really a subject that i cannot tolerate, somehow or rather. Everything in chem seemed to have the words " i suck " on their heads. So when i am studying chem, i told myself mentally i suck too.

What a stupid thing to do you might say, i just dun have the chemistry brain. Those equations, those memories, those chemicals! ARGH!

"Articulate with my feelings more than you want to, twist with my hopes more than you love to"

I love you, i certainly do.

Finally i'm back to blogging, i slept at night class today. It was so "malu", "malu" is a singaporean style of saying for ashamed. I was so ashamed of myself for that when mdm teo came and ask me if i want a cup of milo with some biscuits.

Omg, i was trying to hold back my laughter for that critical moment. If i didn't hold that back, i would be laughing my ass out at the canteen. She was trying to help, i sense her concern. But to me, it was somehow too over that make me so "paiseh"!

Although one year older, you guys rocks. Never once had you guys have shun me, you guys placed your faithful eyes to help me through this journey. 4e5 2006, guess what you rules and i'm proud to be in this class of mine certainly.

And you, you made me see life in the way i have never seen before. You showed me and guided me to think of what i really desire, what i really want in my life. I have a goal now and the goal is wishing to be your cup of tea plus milk plus sugar.

Immense aspirations in my head, i work towards it. Cause i know what i actually want and what can actually bring me to somewhere meaningful. The answer is you. I love roti prata.

These few days, i know that this good friend of mine has been so so so so stressful. Take away all your burdens, let bygones be bygones. Don't let those mixed feelings circulate in your heart, fight for your own happiness, fight for yourself and the things you desire.

Stress is certainly not a fun part of life. Isn't it so? Come on, lets live our life to the fullest. Thumbs up and smile. OK? you better nod! HAHA

Will i be able to have the chance of holding your hands tightly and never let you go again? I love you!

My neck condition did improve, but just by a bit . Small tiny little bit, what can it do much? Still, i'm not able to turn my head to the RIGHT side. AND.. Pearl and GOH and the others keep laughing at this stupid head of mine.

Looking across the pictures, i found out something real funny. Jack sparrow has the ship called, "the black pearl". I have a ship! Call "Vangoh pearl". I was inspired by the three person photo that we took in class.

Vangoh sounds like vangouh. Stylish name isn't it. Maple really sucks to the core, but why am i still playing it? Seriously, i do not even get it. Its attract you in a strange way, but the way is really undescrible. Its fun when you level up, its fun when you can wear the items. But IT SUCKS! when you are training at the same old spot.

Hitting the same old bloody monsters again and again. Each only gives you 0.01 percent of your experience bar of 100%. This is mad. Anyway, prelims is just around the corner, have you guys started your revision? This is the common questions of teachers who comes into our class of 4e5.

4e5 would then keep quiet. Because? No one has even started i think. Thats really the fun part of 4e5. How i wish i can never leave 4e5, its the last year. I cant imagine life without the food in the canteen of secondary school, i cant imagine life without the bunch of people who cheer u up, i cant imagine the life of no one there to make fun of everything possible.

This is sure a memorable year for me and my class, the class t shirt is coming up soon. I'm proud to be a member of 4e5 no matter what, i'm really proud of myself. Prom night is coming up soon, and i doubt i have the chance to go.

Cause? My debt is not even laid off yet, how am i going to spend more money on other things.

The COURT DECLARES SOMEONE TO BE THROWN BEHIND BARS NAMED " The most FEARED and HATED and RUINED person on planet earth " !! HAHA!

I LOVE YOU! Tea+Milk+Sugar = ??

I sprained my neck, i feel like as if i'm a robot. My head is not able to twist and turn, this feeling certainly suck. Maybe because of the late nights that i am having this weekend, or even the stress that i get from so many things.

I have so many things in mind, a debt, a tradegy.... the list goes on. Much as i don't want these things to befall me, those things would crumble on me no matter what. Dissapointed in someone, real dissapointed.

You made me see throught your cabalistic mask of yours, you made me realised that i'm a fool. You made me feel that i'm all along helping the wrong person, you made me see you in a different perspective NOW.

Revenge is unfolding, what for cling onto it? What do you get from revenge? Hatred between two parties? Or elongated revenge? Whats there to be revengeful about ? Revenge about the incidents that was happening a number of years ago? Revenge about she is one day older than you do?

Those things are destined. How can you possibly change fate with brute force? Yeah, you can, because you are possesing the qualities that she doesn't have. Isn't this a step over her? You rather stick to someone that you don't truly like just because for the sake of revenge?

In my dictionary, friends are people who feel comfortable with each other. Friends are definetly not people whom you want to dig out information of, friends are definitly not people who are there for you to not like.

Be my friend, or get lost. Think about it.Put yourself in my shoes. I need a break. I seriously need a break. If these are the things which would happen, i rather not know her at all.

I LOVE SOMEONE, and i certainly do. No matter what you ask about, i would tell you my answer to giving up is NO. Thats my resolution, thats my direction.

I LOVE ROTI PRATA!

O my, english oral is finally over. Much of those anxiety, i was panic-stricken when i brought myself in front of the examiners. This oral exam is the first exam that i found it easy, thank god. I was prompted by the examiner one question in each component.

This was certainly the best oral that i had since primary school. I hope this oral would turn out real well. We were all sitting in a straight row in the hall, when mrs danial noticed something. She was chuckling when she said, " Look at how all of you all are seated ".

Guess what? We sat up straight, cross our hands and put the "praying hands" in the middle of our legs. What a joke that was, everyone was so nervous and she can actually joke about it. My name was called to have a 10mins of preparation. I walked briskly to my seat and started to read.

Time flies, i haven't even finish preparing for my picture conversation when the 10 mins was up. Anyway, good luck to all those who are having their oral exams next week. Mr lee came into our class and talk to us about "reality". Yeah, thats reality. But my mind is twirling in thoughts of where am i actually heading.

On the serious note, i see nothing. Nothing infront of me, waiting to be acheived. Thats really bad. After two whole periods of admonish, i would say. I found myself wandering in the wilderness, heading nowhere, fainting soon, real soon.

So many things to be completed on task, far too many. Having to make a clear line between play and work, having to go into intense studying, i hope this ordeal would go over soon. Please, someone help me inside here.

Looking up into the sky, i found myself lying in the bottom of a well. The sky seemed so high for me to touch it, i really lost. I always thought i have alot of philosophical craps. One sentence came to me that made me fall too low, fall too far.

So far that i'm not able to climb up way up this unforgiving well. Guess what i am defeated it, peggy said this to me.

they love each other, they do other things like holding hands and hug. and they sacrifice their time and money on eahc other. for us we together. we only lack those material needs, basically, we nv depend each other on money and time, and nv hold hands or what, but we sitll love each other. no different from stead ba, just that they have more things.

Wow, these words of her really made me knocked my head and stop whatever i am doing. I thought of everything, my entire mind revolve around everything surronding me. Respect is what i gave, admiration is what i gave, everything possible.

At a mere age of 15, her maturity level is already this high. How i wish, i wished, i wished. Let those maturity cells in my mind gain energy and start to vibrate.This would then incur all the others cells to commence on reflecting the things that i have done

Am i not mature enough, or am i choosing myself to be not mature? Too much maturity would gain suspicion, too little maturity would gain tounges wagging. How ? How ironic is this world coming to? I wished that i can turn the clock and let us all return to the prehistorical times even before dinosaurs dominate our world.

We can then break free from this stupid world of ours, filled with intense stress. I cannot take it anymore, i cant, i cant.

Claimed that you love your friends? So, is it because that you love your friends thats why our friendship turned sour? Is it because that you love your friends that caused this friendship of ours to be topsy turvy now?

Let me turn the table back at you and return your ace of spades. Am i not your friend rather. Every gambling den has its own rules, every nation has its own laws, even every class has it own rules. But the point is, the friendship between me and you have no rules. Can't you think of it in a more sophisicated manner like this?

Isn't this kind of friendship worth to cherish? I found myself boggled towards your mutation. I cant force myself to adapt to it so soon. I cant, i cant. I falling low, low, low. Flowing in the rapids, so fast then i cant even stop to ask myself. "whats going on now?".

I flowing to the waterfall real soon, and i will go right down.At that point, you will see a different me, a me that you wont want to see. Cause i'll be that idiotic that you won't want to even catch a glimpse of.

I sense tribulations, i sense it. It's coming real near, near near near.

Currently in the school computer lab doing my f and n coursework, today is deadline for my o level's coursework. The point is i don't feel a shit of urgency at all. Was restless the whole day, felt so tired, felt so moody, felt like the world was crumbling on me.

I lost an important friend, not literally, but in terms of character. Where is she? Am i changing or is she changing rather? I don't felt that i have actually changed, but i can sense that the attitude you have towards me is really temperate.

Ya, if i'm really that hated in your eyes, then i wont bother you anymore. I know, i know that you are joking, but like you said, i'm sensitive. Hate me if you want to,but that few words of yours really left a scar inside that fragile heart of mine.

Why? Why? Tell me why? Deep in your heart you know yourself, what for? I know you love to care about people's welfare before you care about yours. But think of what you can actually help when you are in this state of despair yourself.

Be honest with your heart, george washington cut down a tree and instead of getting scolded. He was praised by his father. He became the first american president in history. Its not a matter of becoming an important person, its about having the importance of oneself. Who loves to live with a stressed out heart?

Making every step of your life heavily, as if your legs are weighing a ton? Find her back, please, i beg of you. I cannot take the mutation in you, and its you. I spend my sleep thinking of what had actually happen. From yesterday night of endless thinking, i deduce that i actually know the answer, but the answer would be inside me.

Dun ever abduct this friend of mine please, shes once my friend, shes always my friend. I want the times when we used to joke around together, play together, went through the thick and thins together, cried together, blowing our trumpets to each other together. I wan those times back, no matter what. No matter what price it takes.

I'm willing to pay, i'm willing. I give you my word for it. Just like my world is never complete without her, my world is never complete without my bunch of cliques around me. You are one my most important clique. I want to have yourself back, as much as i love to have her back.

I already lost one person that i love, i don't want to lose a friend, i'm serious, real serious. I seemed to miss everything now. Time seemed to stop right now, memories flowing in the head of mine. I start to miss everything. I miss 020706, i miss it.

Tears of loneliness started to flow out from my heart, i felt all alone, all alone here. I'm here without everything, it seemed so true, it seemed so true. Me, in a state of solitariness, do not wish even to open this mouth of mine to say anything.

I'm afraid that i would speak out the wrong language that would make you stress or unhappy, but i'm real afraid, afraid that you would never return. I would hold on to the times of 020706. I'll be there.

Woke up at 10 o clock in the morning, thinking to myself " what the hell again ". I slept at two am yesterday and managed to get up at 10 in the morning. What is this, is my brain not functioning well or i am thinking too much.

I dread to sleep nowadays as i do not want to have the same dreams over and over again. I dreamt about money again! ARGH! What the hell is the world coming to. I have a debt to pay, and its a serious one for me.

Cash cash cash, enough of it. I really had enough of it. I don't want to stick to this anymore. I have a life, take me if you want to. I'm really gone, gone case. How i wish everything was so easy, how i wish god would drop some money from the sky and let us spend them.

How i wish, how i wish. If there were so many how i wish, i would wish to stop the israeli war now. Armed conflict, it sucks. Whats there to shoot each other with bullets which are actually MAN MADE?

Man invented those deadly weapons, whats the point? To kill mankind? Mentality of mankind really suck to the core. Whats there to protect oneself when everyone is respectful against its own kind? No conflicts would happen. Whats there to fight about if we have tolerance in our blood?

Whats there to fight about if we have more understanding towards the other cultures? Take me to a world where no fighting is occuring, take me to a world where there is no burden of cash flow, take me to a world where flowers blossom even in winter, take me to a world where there is only me and you.

Thats the kind of world that i desire to live in. Then i shall name that world, "My reserved space". If issac newton can say that gravitational force cause the apple to drop. If thomas edison can have so much determination,

I can say that my world is not complete without you!

Ok, another theory of mine come out. U see, everyone has their own style of mind. Why do hilter want to shave that moustache of his to that of charlie charplin? Its a strategy to make people remember him for that.

I stop here for the day.

Thinking about a few things here, thinking on my way back from mac at west cc after study. Thinking of why humans would wan to study animals or even nature rather than study themselves.

To me, a human mind is more complicated than anyone else. Not even a "jigsaw puzzle" expert can do the job of guessing whats on the mind of a particular human. It may be this, it may be that. Yawns, i feel so tired. I do not want to leave out of my chair, neither do i want to face the computer.

How i wish i have an appointment today, so that i can relax myself. Breaking off from all the stress in me, be it studies, human relations, and especially CASH. Cash on hand is really a good thing, no cash is real sucky, i live a day by a day, hoping that tomorrow will not come. I do not how to face this cash problem. I'm god damn serious.

For you

Cheer up, i've told you. I be there whenever u need me to. I remember the times and i miss them for sure. I didn't know that choosing white would be friendship. In this mind of mine, white always stands for purity. And the reason i chose white when u give me that is cause of the purity of my feelings towards you.

It's not contaminated, its neither dyed. Purple is a coloured which is not even primary. It's a colour that is mixed. How can purple be the meaning for " i love you? " This is my theory and i stick to it. But, can i take back the friendship.

True as it always is, i do not wish to stick with you as friends. Not everything is gone, the passion for your interests would still be in your heart. Its waiting for you to do something to light it up. Stick to your interests, everything would be fine.

Can be seen that you are trying hard, but in the midst of this, do not stress yourself. Unhappiness and stress befalling on you is really the most hated thing that i want to see.

I stop here for the day..

National day holiday, such a long break, its nice anyway. Returned to school with a heavy and sleepy heart, didnt have the attitude to learn. But now, everything is different.

Got my o level chinese results, B4! Thats great, although i'm retaking to get a higher grade, i knew that i have improved alot. Thanks god for giving me this chance. Crap, anyway really, i didnt waste my attention in mr titus class.

Was so elated when i saw my own results, although i didnt meet my b3. I jumped with joy. The feeling of retaking is sure to be a challenging one, but i will strive hard for this.

My mum is nagging again, my holy god. Talking about the prawn mee boss passing away, i don't even know him by the way. Erm, by the way, eileen, if you are going to tag at my blog using an unknown indenity, please type the style that we are not familiar with. I can read your mind like a book.

Stop being so stressed up. HAHA! Cheer up everyone, let the overwhelmed feeling of having worthy results come into your mind. Good luck to everyone who is retaking the o levels chinese, hope we all can get our targets.

I stop here for the day, gotta prepare for night study. Take care.