Just This Love, 051106

Took quite a number of photos today, omg, they are so cool. Show you guys,

Mr ang , my favourite maths teacher and i.

After which, miss tan! And i. Cool ?

Now, mrs sharon tan, saleh and myself. I miss those times in secondary 3.

mrs haniff and us, can u spot pearllene?

Whats with this pic anyway, mr vanan, saleh and myself!

last but not least, of course, its my favourite geo teacher! MRS RAMOS!

I really had a meaningful teacher's day. This last year celebration is certainly one of the best i ever had since i been in school 5 years ago. Hope everyone enjoys themselves today and lastly, happy teachers day to all the teachers of junyuan secondary school.

This poem below will be dedicated to mrs haniff, mrs ramos and other subject teachers of 4e5. Although i'm not shakesphere, but this poem is just a sincere dedication for the care and love that they showered us with all these while.

Despite those diversification of our characters
you are always there to help us in each of our needs
our world is never complete without people
who passes us knowledge
sacrifices time
without any reward in return.

When the sky seemed to shatter and fall on us
you are the one who will use your utmost effort to hold it
in case it crumbles and hurt us mentally or literally
for you cherish every single one of us.

For you are always impartial
never once you will shun us away
cause you believe
in our hearts
we are willing to learn.

Some moments flacuate in my mind
those unforgettable moments
the youth day macdonalds
the time where you are always there
when we needed help
those times when the class spirit is as one.

Without you teachers
there would not be anyone to guide
or light up our pathway
to a perfect 'heaven'.

Without you teachers
one would never know
how much effort one is willing
to sacrifice for the people that they love.

You guys show us the light
for a better future
you all stayed after school
just to coach us

With frequent reprimands
to motivate us and press us to work hard
With some jokes
you make the lesson not as boring.

Although you cannot be compared
to the advanced technology
which is more fascinating
but one thing that can be assured is
that you guys left a memory in our hearts
for the rest of our lives.

Happy teachers day.

Whats making my head to spin? Those tight schedules of mine? Like today, i really hate this. I study till 4 in the afternoon. I have my appointment at new york at 5, i have to go back to the night study after that. This life suck.

I was at the mrt station walking to white sands, when someone approach me. I was thinking to myself, "whos this? ", surprisingly, the first things she ask of me was. " Today no school ar? " I was of course thinking what the heck to myself.

Without prior knowledge, i confirmed once again that i didnt knew her at all. She was just a surveyer. O my, she scare me out of my wits. What she said to me? Guess it guys, she talked to me about studies and said "see you so stress, bye".

O my, the feeling was intense. I was damn embarassed or vice versa? She walked away just like that, of course, i was thinking again to myself, " am i that stress? you're telling me that you can see it on the face of mine? "

One joyful thing is that, cryena is back. She is so undescrible, i found out that i actually talk quite alot to her nowadays. The way she squeezes those black heads out of this bloody face of mine, is not painful at all. I'm glad. Shes back.

Had to rush for night study later, the old chang kee that i bought for eileen foo and pearllene goh is certainly crushed and topsy turvy.It was from pasir ris to tampines and tampines to tampines. Such a long journey, i pity the old chang kee.

Thanks for the ez link peggy and thanks for the snickers and drink EILEEN FOO! I tell you, the vangoh pearl wont fall, cause the captain is always so passionate! Crap!!!

And you must eat hor, dun always wait till dinner. If you wan to become a paper eater, i write letters for you everyday. Like this you can eat all you want. At least i know that you are eating. Must eat ar! I love you, i certainly do.

Quarreled with my mum over a trivial matter yesterday, i have to relfect on this attitude of mine. Its getting from bad to worse, its been quite a long time since i ever saw my mum crying infront of me since the adam khoo's course. Greatest apologies once again, but nowadays i'm really quite tensed up.

I get irritated nowadays by the slightest comment, i got myself ruined these few weeks. Also greatest apologies to another person, pearllene. I'm really owe you a sincere apology. I should not even have done that in the first place.

I would change, i surely would. Slept at 4 o clock in the morning yesterday, woke up at 1 o clock in the afternoon today. Its been such a long time since i had such a good chat, full of jokes, laughter.

"Gentlemen, change your m16 rifles to the new PLASTIC weapon." The soldier would then reply, "Sir! Bo effect lehs!". After which the officer reply, "Just continue firing!". This is really dscriminating. How can that person name our singapore created SAR 21 as plastic weapon.

I'm patriotic, not to a very very large extent. But at least, to that extent of not discrimating my own country. Our country is so great, those lovely national songs, those lovely politicans, those lovely policies. But theres something not very good. I know why some people say that singapore is a "fine" country.

Anyway, i know that i'm a fool overnight! Thats what i found out. O my, why is this so? I always thought that i can do it, but now i know that i think in a too complex manner for simple things. I would think simple next time! HAHA! What for i thought of morse code just for a few numbers!

This is a real joke, anyway, thank you once again for letting me not give up. Thanks for helping me in the blog, i wont give up on things so easily next time. I would perserve and persist till the end.

I stop here for the day, take great care guys.

I HAVE NEW YORK APPOINTMENT TOMORROW!!!! HAHA!!! I'm SO SOSOSOSOSO GLAD!

Tired, i had to repeat myself over and over again. I'm tied up with busy schedules day in and out. I'm have this thought nowadays and i think of why are we really studying? Of our future, of money? Ow, crap. How i wish the society had not been that cruel in the sense that we need paper qualification to succed in life.

The society we are living in is surely not the worst compared to centuries ago. Centuries ago, people were ruled by kings and queen. Meritocracy was not implemented, people were judged based on their wealth. Who cares about living in those worlds? They were more difficult obstacles to overcome.

However, thinking again. All you need is a paper in life. A paper that is laminated with a plastic coating over it. A paper that requires you to have as many A's as possible. What can we do if that paper is burnt, destroyed or even crushed?

Have we ever thought of that? Who rules our future? Ourselves. Whats the price that we have to pay? Intense stress! Burying your heads in books every single day of our life, who seems to have the interest in text, text and text!!!!!

I admit that i'm not working very very hard at the moment, but what seems to crumble on me is also stress? I never even had the chance to think of those who are clocking in 6 hours of their time in serious studying every single day. May god bless them.

Think of ending my life, literally and mentally.

One idiotic prisoner, with two hands tied up using metal chains. A metal whip that strikes me hard in the mind and body, bleeding profusely. Blood oozing out of my wounds, and i cant take it anymore.

I'm tired ok, questions after questions you gave. Those questions are not meant to be answered, in the fact that i don't even know how to go about answering them. What do you benefit from the answer, intense happiness if the answer is positive? Or rather feeling down when the answer is negative.

I didn't meant to say don't know, how i wish i can just say "ya, i like her" just to let you stop asking me questions anymore. I thought about the welfare of yours, did you ever put my welfare in that pea brain of yours?

How tired, how stress am i ? To answer your questions. I lack in freedom, the freedom to say out what i have to say, the freedom of who i want to be with. The freedom of who i want to choose as my friend.

Yeah, i was tolerant once, but not now. I really too too indirect that i gave you the wrong meaning that i am there to listen to your "chanting". In fact, we don't know each other VERY well and what happened between you and her is none of my problem rite?

Am i the cause of it? I'm not. Think about what is the cause of the main problems. Approach it, solve it. Don't come asking me what to do, how to tell her, i have no answers to those questions of yours, i really don't.

I don't look like a fortune teller, do i? i can possibly say how she reacts when the things has not happened yet. I have my own problems to deal with, i have my own life to run, i have my own person i love.

Clear of whats the answer?

I'm dead beat after getting back from school. I feel like an absolute stingray, without its bones. Feel like lying here and not waking up forever. I'm so vulnerable to so many medical problems if i continue like this.

Things seemed to be crumbling onto me once again, combining those trash to one pile of ironic shit. My geography mcq 13/25 -- 52%. My expected grade --- 65%. Calculate and i know how much am i actually to that target of mine.

My social studies, 13/25 -- 52%. My expected grade --- 75%. My history, i'm going to flunk it anyway. I didn't even wrote the most important point of the essay. Am i too confident or am i just pure stupid?

Why did i score well for my humanities in secondary 3? Is it because the paper is more easy in sec 3 or more diificult in sec 4? Or did i put in more effort in sec 3 then in sec 4? I doubt so. I'm sure i'm trying my best for my subjects. EXPECT FOR chem!

Chemistry is really a subject that i cannot tolerate, somehow or rather. Everything in chem seemed to have the words " i suck " on their heads. So when i am studying chem, i told myself mentally i suck too.

What a stupid thing to do you might say, i just dun have the chemistry brain. Those equations, those memories, those chemicals! ARGH!

"Articulate with my feelings more than you want to, twist with my hopes more than you love to"

I love you, i certainly do.

Finally i'm back to blogging, i slept at night class today. It was so "malu", "malu" is a singaporean style of saying for ashamed. I was so ashamed of myself for that when mdm teo came and ask me if i want a cup of milo with some biscuits.

Omg, i was trying to hold back my laughter for that critical moment. If i didn't hold that back, i would be laughing my ass out at the canteen. She was trying to help, i sense her concern. But to me, it was somehow too over that make me so "paiseh"!

Although one year older, you guys rocks. Never once had you guys have shun me, you guys placed your faithful eyes to help me through this journey. 4e5 2006, guess what you rules and i'm proud to be in this class of mine certainly.

And you, you made me see life in the way i have never seen before. You showed me and guided me to think of what i really desire, what i really want in my life. I have a goal now and the goal is wishing to be your cup of tea plus milk plus sugar.

Immense aspirations in my head, i work towards it. Cause i know what i actually want and what can actually bring me to somewhere meaningful. The answer is you. I love roti prata.

These few days, i know that this good friend of mine has been so so so so stressful. Take away all your burdens, let bygones be bygones. Don't let those mixed feelings circulate in your heart, fight for your own happiness, fight for yourself and the things you desire.

Stress is certainly not a fun part of life. Isn't it so? Come on, lets live our life to the fullest. Thumbs up and smile. OK? you better nod! HAHA

Will i be able to have the chance of holding your hands tightly and never let you go again? I love you!

My neck condition did improve, but just by a bit . Small tiny little bit, what can it do much? Still, i'm not able to turn my head to the RIGHT side. AND.. Pearl and GOH and the others keep laughing at this stupid head of mine.

Looking across the pictures, i found out something real funny. Jack sparrow has the ship called, "the black pearl". I have a ship! Call "Vangoh pearl". I was inspired by the three person photo that we took in class.

Vangoh sounds like vangouh. Stylish name isn't it. Maple really sucks to the core, but why am i still playing it? Seriously, i do not even get it. Its attract you in a strange way, but the way is really undescrible. Its fun when you level up, its fun when you can wear the items. But IT SUCKS! when you are training at the same old spot.

Hitting the same old bloody monsters again and again. Each only gives you 0.01 percent of your experience bar of 100%. This is mad. Anyway, prelims is just around the corner, have you guys started your revision? This is the common questions of teachers who comes into our class of 4e5.

4e5 would then keep quiet. Because? No one has even started i think. Thats really the fun part of 4e5. How i wish i can never leave 4e5, its the last year. I cant imagine life without the food in the canteen of secondary school, i cant imagine life without the bunch of people who cheer u up, i cant imagine the life of no one there to make fun of everything possible.

This is sure a memorable year for me and my class, the class t shirt is coming up soon. I'm proud to be a member of 4e5 no matter what, i'm really proud of myself. Prom night is coming up soon, and i doubt i have the chance to go.

Cause? My debt is not even laid off yet, how am i going to spend more money on other things.

The COURT DECLARES SOMEONE TO BE THROWN BEHIND BARS NAMED " The most FEARED and HATED and RUINED person on planet earth " !! HAHA!

I LOVE YOU! Tea+Milk+Sugar = ??

I sprained my neck, i feel like as if i'm a robot. My head is not able to twist and turn, this feeling certainly suck. Maybe because of the late nights that i am having this weekend, or even the stress that i get from so many things.

I have so many things in mind, a debt, a tradegy.... the list goes on. Much as i don't want these things to befall me, those things would crumble on me no matter what. Dissapointed in someone, real dissapointed.

You made me see throught your cabalistic mask of yours, you made me realised that i'm a fool. You made me feel that i'm all along helping the wrong person, you made me see you in a different perspective NOW.

Revenge is unfolding, what for cling onto it? What do you get from revenge? Hatred between two parties? Or elongated revenge? Whats there to be revengeful about ? Revenge about the incidents that was happening a number of years ago? Revenge about she is one day older than you do?

Those things are destined. How can you possibly change fate with brute force? Yeah, you can, because you are possesing the qualities that she doesn't have. Isn't this a step over her? You rather stick to someone that you don't truly like just because for the sake of revenge?

In my dictionary, friends are people who feel comfortable with each other. Friends are definetly not people whom you want to dig out information of, friends are definitly not people who are there for you to not like.

Be my friend, or get lost. Think about it.Put yourself in my shoes. I need a break. I seriously need a break. If these are the things which would happen, i rather not know her at all.

I LOVE SOMEONE, and i certainly do. No matter what you ask about, i would tell you my answer to giving up is NO. Thats my resolution, thats my direction.

I LOVE ROTI PRATA!

O my, english oral is finally over. Much of those anxiety, i was panic-stricken when i brought myself in front of the examiners. This oral exam is the first exam that i found it easy, thank god. I was prompted by the examiner one question in each component.

This was certainly the best oral that i had since primary school. I hope this oral would turn out real well. We were all sitting in a straight row in the hall, when mrs danial noticed something. She was chuckling when she said, " Look at how all of you all are seated ".

Guess what? We sat up straight, cross our hands and put the "praying hands" in the middle of our legs. What a joke that was, everyone was so nervous and she can actually joke about it. My name was called to have a 10mins of preparation. I walked briskly to my seat and started to read.

Time flies, i haven't even finish preparing for my picture conversation when the 10 mins was up. Anyway, good luck to all those who are having their oral exams next week. Mr lee came into our class and talk to us about "reality". Yeah, thats reality. But my mind is twirling in thoughts of where am i actually heading.

On the serious note, i see nothing. Nothing infront of me, waiting to be acheived. Thats really bad. After two whole periods of admonish, i would say. I found myself wandering in the wilderness, heading nowhere, fainting soon, real soon.

So many things to be completed on task, far too many. Having to make a clear line between play and work, having to go into intense studying, i hope this ordeal would go over soon. Please, someone help me inside here.

Looking up into the sky, i found myself lying in the bottom of a well. The sky seemed so high for me to touch it, i really lost. I always thought i have alot of philosophical craps. One sentence came to me that made me fall too low, fall too far.

So far that i'm not able to climb up way up this unforgiving well. Guess what i am defeated it, peggy said this to me.

they love each other, they do other things like holding hands and hug. and they sacrifice their time and money on eahc other. for us we together. we only lack those material needs, basically, we nv depend each other on money and time, and nv hold hands or what, but we sitll love each other. no different from stead ba, just that they have more things.

Wow, these words of her really made me knocked my head and stop whatever i am doing. I thought of everything, my entire mind revolve around everything surronding me. Respect is what i gave, admiration is what i gave, everything possible.

At a mere age of 15, her maturity level is already this high. How i wish, i wished, i wished. Let those maturity cells in my mind gain energy and start to vibrate.This would then incur all the others cells to commence on reflecting the things that i have done

Am i not mature enough, or am i choosing myself to be not mature? Too much maturity would gain suspicion, too little maturity would gain tounges wagging. How ? How ironic is this world coming to? I wished that i can turn the clock and let us all return to the prehistorical times even before dinosaurs dominate our world.

We can then break free from this stupid world of ours, filled with intense stress. I cannot take it anymore, i cant, i cant.

Claimed that you love your friends? So, is it because that you love your friends thats why our friendship turned sour? Is it because that you love your friends that caused this friendship of ours to be topsy turvy now?

Let me turn the table back at you and return your ace of spades. Am i not your friend rather. Every gambling den has its own rules, every nation has its own laws, even every class has it own rules. But the point is, the friendship between me and you have no rules. Can't you think of it in a more sophisicated manner like this?

Isn't this kind of friendship worth to cherish? I found myself boggled towards your mutation. I cant force myself to adapt to it so soon. I cant, i cant. I falling low, low, low. Flowing in the rapids, so fast then i cant even stop to ask myself. "whats going on now?".

I flowing to the waterfall real soon, and i will go right down.At that point, you will see a different me, a me that you wont want to see. Cause i'll be that idiotic that you won't want to even catch a glimpse of.

I sense tribulations, i sense it. It's coming real near, near near near.

Currently in the school computer lab doing my f and n coursework, today is deadline for my o level's coursework. The point is i don't feel a shit of urgency at all. Was restless the whole day, felt so tired, felt so moody, felt like the world was crumbling on me.

I lost an important friend, not literally, but in terms of character. Where is she? Am i changing or is she changing rather? I don't felt that i have actually changed, but i can sense that the attitude you have towards me is really temperate.

Ya, if i'm really that hated in your eyes, then i wont bother you anymore. I know, i know that you are joking, but like you said, i'm sensitive. Hate me if you want to,but that few words of yours really left a scar inside that fragile heart of mine.

Why? Why? Tell me why? Deep in your heart you know yourself, what for? I know you love to care about people's welfare before you care about yours. But think of what you can actually help when you are in this state of despair yourself.

Be honest with your heart, george washington cut down a tree and instead of getting scolded. He was praised by his father. He became the first american president in history. Its not a matter of becoming an important person, its about having the importance of oneself. Who loves to live with a stressed out heart?

Making every step of your life heavily, as if your legs are weighing a ton? Find her back, please, i beg of you. I cannot take the mutation in you, and its you. I spend my sleep thinking of what had actually happen. From yesterday night of endless thinking, i deduce that i actually know the answer, but the answer would be inside me.

Dun ever abduct this friend of mine please, shes once my friend, shes always my friend. I want the times when we used to joke around together, play together, went through the thick and thins together, cried together, blowing our trumpets to each other together. I wan those times back, no matter what. No matter what price it takes.

I'm willing to pay, i'm willing. I give you my word for it. Just like my world is never complete without her, my world is never complete without my bunch of cliques around me. You are one my most important clique. I want to have yourself back, as much as i love to have her back.

I already lost one person that i love, i don't want to lose a friend, i'm serious, real serious. I seemed to miss everything now. Time seemed to stop right now, memories flowing in the head of mine. I start to miss everything. I miss 020706, i miss it.

Tears of loneliness started to flow out from my heart, i felt all alone, all alone here. I'm here without everything, it seemed so true, it seemed so true. Me, in a state of solitariness, do not wish even to open this mouth of mine to say anything.

I'm afraid that i would speak out the wrong language that would make you stress or unhappy, but i'm real afraid, afraid that you would never return. I would hold on to the times of 020706. I'll be there.

Woke up at 10 o clock in the morning, thinking to myself " what the hell again ". I slept at two am yesterday and managed to get up at 10 in the morning. What is this, is my brain not functioning well or i am thinking too much.

I dread to sleep nowadays as i do not want to have the same dreams over and over again. I dreamt about money again! ARGH! What the hell is the world coming to. I have a debt to pay, and its a serious one for me.

Cash cash cash, enough of it. I really had enough of it. I don't want to stick to this anymore. I have a life, take me if you want to. I'm really gone, gone case. How i wish everything was so easy, how i wish god would drop some money from the sky and let us spend them.

How i wish, how i wish. If there were so many how i wish, i would wish to stop the israeli war now. Armed conflict, it sucks. Whats there to shoot each other with bullets which are actually MAN MADE?

Man invented those deadly weapons, whats the point? To kill mankind? Mentality of mankind really suck to the core. Whats there to protect oneself when everyone is respectful against its own kind? No conflicts would happen. Whats there to fight about if we have tolerance in our blood?

Whats there to fight about if we have more understanding towards the other cultures? Take me to a world where no fighting is occuring, take me to a world where there is no burden of cash flow, take me to a world where flowers blossom even in winter, take me to a world where there is only me and you.

Thats the kind of world that i desire to live in. Then i shall name that world, "My reserved space". If issac newton can say that gravitational force cause the apple to drop. If thomas edison can have so much determination,

I can say that my world is not complete without you!

Ok, another theory of mine come out. U see, everyone has their own style of mind. Why do hilter want to shave that moustache of his to that of charlie charplin? Its a strategy to make people remember him for that.

I stop here for the day.

Thinking about a few things here, thinking on my way back from mac at west cc after study. Thinking of why humans would wan to study animals or even nature rather than study themselves.

To me, a human mind is more complicated than anyone else. Not even a "jigsaw puzzle" expert can do the job of guessing whats on the mind of a particular human. It may be this, it may be that. Yawns, i feel so tired. I do not want to leave out of my chair, neither do i want to face the computer.

How i wish i have an appointment today, so that i can relax myself. Breaking off from all the stress in me, be it studies, human relations, and especially CASH. Cash on hand is really a good thing, no cash is real sucky, i live a day by a day, hoping that tomorrow will not come. I do not how to face this cash problem. I'm god damn serious.

For you

Cheer up, i've told you. I be there whenever u need me to. I remember the times and i miss them for sure. I didn't know that choosing white would be friendship. In this mind of mine, white always stands for purity. And the reason i chose white when u give me that is cause of the purity of my feelings towards you.

It's not contaminated, its neither dyed. Purple is a coloured which is not even primary. It's a colour that is mixed. How can purple be the meaning for " i love you? " This is my theory and i stick to it. But, can i take back the friendship.

True as it always is, i do not wish to stick with you as friends. Not everything is gone, the passion for your interests would still be in your heart. Its waiting for you to do something to light it up. Stick to your interests, everything would be fine.

Can be seen that you are trying hard, but in the midst of this, do not stress yourself. Unhappiness and stress befalling on you is really the most hated thing that i want to see.

I stop here for the day..

National day holiday, such a long break, its nice anyway. Returned to school with a heavy and sleepy heart, didnt have the attitude to learn. But now, everything is different.

Got my o level chinese results, B4! Thats great, although i'm retaking to get a higher grade, i knew that i have improved alot. Thanks god for giving me this chance. Crap, anyway really, i didnt waste my attention in mr titus class.

Was so elated when i saw my own results, although i didnt meet my b3. I jumped with joy. The feeling of retaking is sure to be a challenging one, but i will strive hard for this.

My mum is nagging again, my holy god. Talking about the prawn mee boss passing away, i don't even know him by the way. Erm, by the way, eileen, if you are going to tag at my blog using an unknown indenity, please type the style that we are not familiar with. I can read your mind like a book.

Stop being so stressed up. HAHA! Cheer up everyone, let the overwhelmed feeling of having worthy results come into your mind. Good luck to everyone who is retaking the o levels chinese, hope we all can get our targets.

I stop here for the day, gotta prepare for night study. Take care.

After much silence in my blog, i finally post again. First, i acclaim and declare that i'm not a passing ball,neither a person without rights and principles. I give my love and effort to who i actually love, not wanting anyone to steal this decisions about this.

Who am i waiting for, who am i loving, or rather who i actually want to be with, is entirely my own decision. I love you, and i wish to be with you. What for? Tell me whats the point? So everything is clogged up now? Can't i just have a fren who is from the opposite side and very very close?

Why cant i ? I regard her as my friend all along, a great one indeed. In my own perspective, i would not fall on my close friends. If i would, life would be much more complicated. Whats with the gender? Does the world have a rule of different genders not having the ability to mixed together?

What seperates boys and girls? Different sex organs? Pardon me for the words that i use, but its just true. Girls have something thats guys doesn't have, guys have something that girls doesn't have.

How ironic is this life that i am living in. How i wish that i can return to those childhood days where everything was still so fresh. We do not have the burden of money, looks, love, whatever have you.

Things becomes stale as time goes by. Exams, views of people towards you, everything, everything. Why can't we play marbles like we use to do when we are young and innocent? Now? Crap! Try asking some of your friends this question.

"Hey, wanna have a game of marbles at the sandpit around my house?" People would have the same reaction. "Mad? thats the word they use." This kind of mentality certainly suck, its not about the game of marbles. Its about the things that people do nowadays.

Went to new york skin solutions to sign up the "planning". How got damn expensive. So whats with that treatment that cost a bomb of $1200? But, looks. Thats the point. Get what i mean? A 1.2k face, thats expensive face.

Great thanks to my aunt for helping me with the bill. I promise i would sure pay u back one day. For sure, thanks alot. I hope the treatment would be effective.

Ok, i stop here for the day.

Life is just like this, life is just like that. In our ordinary life, love may come in and paint a potrait of a fairytale. But how long will it actually last? God knows. Love is the master key to the closed gates of happiness.

Life is just like a plastiine, waiting for one to use his or her hands to make out the shape of how they want the life to be. How we want our life to be, depends on what is the effort being put in to manipulate the plasticine.

Three whole days, i took the three whole days. For? Figure it out. Just like nike can change its brand global with a tick, addidas can change its brand global with three stripes, bill gates can change his assets with a mouse. You can change my direction of life with your will power.

I love you.

Reality, a thing so far yet so near. It depicts a scene of a maze. A maze that is never ending, until one day a decision is made. These wishy washy stuffs are entirely out of my head, running away? Whats the point?

Whats the result of running away? You will never get out of this topsy-turvy world if it is continuing in this manner. I neither here nor there, i neither happy or sad. I neither fustrated or dissapointed. I'm all alone. Selucled in this world of mine by myself. I cannot get it, i really can't.

Am i too complex or are you too simple? Or am i too simple rather? I used my utmost energy to hold on to this relationship. I tired, i'm not a robot. I just an idiot who is manipulating the relationship without anything in return. Am i in the wrong?

I didn't break my promise of not metioning him. But i can see that you still grudge onto him. From two particular events if you recall. I'm falling, plunging like a waterfall, hitting against the rocks of the plunge pool.

My head is bleeding. It's screaming at the top of its voice, " I'm tired ". I tried my part and i knew it, i respected every comment that you made. I tried so hard to prevent quarrels. I tried, i tried, i tried.

Never once did i lose my temper infront of you, i can't bear to, really can't bear to. Even when my blood is boiling, i tried to cool myself down from the unpleasant things that may lead to a tradegy. Someone told me that yesterday, 020806 was meant to be a special day for me. How i wish, it was one. How i really wish.

As i always say, you are not the failure. I am the one is failing to do the things that i am supposed to do. I do not have the potential to let you overcome those memories that you had with him. Much as it is,correct me if i am wrong, i cannot even let you generate feelings for me either.

I always raise my hand at first opportunity for you, did you have the attention of the hand that is being raised up? Its not about the heart-breaking, who cares about feeling heart broken when everything has already happened. I rather reflect on what are the things that have gone wrong and have the chance to amend them.

It seems like, it seems like, it seems like. Hoping there would be 020906.

Incuring of my wrath is certainly not an easy task, it shows the importance of you in my heart. I'm also sorry for being harsh. Just as you are tired, correct me if i am wrong. I'm also tired as it be.

My head hurts real badly these few days, i have not been feeling comfortable enough to actually concentrate in lessons. How? So what am i going to do? People might be having stirred feelings of "Ow, crap. How can this guy be sick when he is so lively in class?"

"Lively?" I'm tired. But i'm a clown. A clown who is trying to hide my feelings from the surronding. I'm the one who can make you oblivious of what am i feeling. The smile that i wear on my face, the laughter that i bring about, the lame jokes that i crack and finally, the shit and crap that i gave.

I talk to myself in bed sometimes and told myself, " Stop being an idiot! " Certainly no one actually knows when i am feeling down, happy or angry. Except for myself. The deception that i gave to the people around me, beside me, infront of me, anywhere which invovles me is seriously .......

I can't possibly say out what i want to say, as i am scared that my words could result in an unhappy thing. I can't possibly me not thinking of what is going on, as i am a sensitive person all along.

I would sit back and just watch, like a "poacher" in a cinema. Recording every little bit of others into the memory of mind. But who knows it, its to be kept a secret. Never mind, i'm just me myself and i.

I love you.

O my, O my. Tomorrow is tomorrow. It embarks the start of a month. Tomorrow is the day after today. Tomorrow is the day before 2 days after. Tomorrow is the day in between today and the day after tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a special day. Really appreciated the "thing" that you gave me. Thanks alot, thanks alot, thanks alot, thanks alot. I LOVE HER!

You made me find light in the world. You made me, you made me. You made me have this providential feeling hiding in my heart.

Every seemed to be a good day with you around. Even when the world is dominated by smirky aliens, ferocious pirates or whatever it is, i would be there for you!

I love you.