Monday, October 30, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
Once upon a time, why do fairy tales always start with once upon a time? Does it mean that fairy tales are only appearing in the past rather than the present.

I once thought life was so beatiful with a great friend whom i can throw my sorrows on, i should not have entered this path long ago. My great friend whom always lend me a listening ear was never here anymore.

This whole story ended in an instant, it doesn't end like any fairy tales --- "and they lived happily ever after. " Instead, it ended with -- " Time, is the key to make me your great friend once again. "

How deep can this go? Isn't there a scar that you left in my heart, on the day you hung my phone. It was the first ever time, you told me "i'm going to hang". At the next instant, the phone goes " ..................................................... ". It was the sound of the line being cut off.

I teared in my dream, thinking of how i can recover this friend of mine again. You told me, you falling out, but i can tell you, i'm falling in.

I tried to ask you for a sweet friendship once again, but nothing. I'm left with nothing. Ironically, its none other than my own creation.

I want to have a freedom of choice, i want you back as a friend again. A friend that is always there, a friend that always stand my nonsense, a friend who always argue with me, a friend who always make me smile, a friend whom i can make her smile every single night of my life.

Are these moments going to come back ?
|
Sunday, October 29, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
An un invited guest,
cladded in a transparent cloak.
trying to hard,
but to no avail.

Some proclaimed they care,
ironically,
not even a word,
face to face,
was the situation,
that one was to live in.

How hurting it is?
To be a seat apart,
to be left out all alone,
to be living in a world of solitary.

It hurts,
it really hurts,
it hurts to the extend,
that my heart is bearing,
the excrutiating pain.

Along with this,
all the things clogged inside me,
i tried to cry out loud,
no one hears me.

How sour had this friendship,
turned into?
since the day confession was made.
I rather turn the clock around,
to have a sweet friendship again.

Friendship always ends in love,
but not with love,
ending in friendship,
i never believe in this,
until the day,
your actions proved it true.

Who's not tired,
when everything is in such a unstable state,
i once walked in whole heartedly,
but now,
i'm trying to walk out.

For those memories are still behind,
it hurts,
no lies that it really hurts,
when i'm trying to leave,
all these memories behind me.
|
Sunday, October 29, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
An invited guest,
cladded in a transparent cloak,
trying so hard,
but to no avail.

Some proclaimed they care,
ironically,
not even a speech face to face,
was the situation
one was getting.

How hurting are those words,
to be left out all alone,
i learnt a lesson from this,
"to go only when you are invited."

How sour this friendship had turned to?
since that day you confessed.
i rather turn the clock around
to have a sweet friendship again.

Friendship always ends in love,
love doesn't ends in friendship.
i didn't believe this quotation,
until the day,
your actions proved me wrong.

How was that feeling?
of being a seat apart?
how was that feeling?
of living in a world of solitary.

It hurts,
it really really hurts,
hurts to the extend
of my heart bearing the excrutiating pain.
|
Friday, October 27, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
Woke up in a daze, turned the alarm clock on my computer table and found that it was already 2.30pm in the afternoon. O my, why have i got this habit of waking up late again. Anyway, it was quite a fruitful day after all. Two chapters of social studies down, good governance and singapore industrial restructing.

Sent some sms, to two different people early morning. I received the replies, it's not about me blaming myself, but thinking of it, if i hadn't entered the world of friendship, would everything turn in such a drastic way ? It would not, after all, i shouldn't have appear from the very beginning.

Maybe a further distance away would be the only alternative out. Adopting this strategy would be only going against my own will. But if this is the only way out to make the friendship of you two recoline again, it doesn't matter whatever thats happening to me after that.

I bound to lose you two, i'm sure of that. Never would i just lose one, as the pain would be unbearable if i were to lose one. The pain of losing two is much more serious, but to see you two joyful once again, not having any problems or situations blocking you two from showering each other with "sisterly love".

I told myself, it would be such a pleasant scence. Everyone would be overwhelmed with joy, but will i adopt this way out? God bless.
|
Thursday, October 26, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
Sins, something regarded as being shameful, deplorable, or utterly wrong. Who had never carried out any sins throughout their entire life? Who had never once did something that was so wrong, so difficult to clear our conscience?

Technically no one, things are difficult to explain in the ironic world that we are living in. Who had never been a backstabber in a circle of friends before? Who had never sunk in setbacks before?

Who in the world had never asked, why am i living in this world before ? Humanity, are all alike. We are claimed "brothers" because of this. What we are doing, is what other fellow humans are doing.

So, if you are giving up on humanity, think twice. I once thought that humans were worthless creatures, who use everything they could to go into the position of "POWER". Thinking back of it again, who doesn't love power?

Who loves being carried by the nose by another person who has the same "human" blood flowing throughout your body? Who would love to rather get into power and shower love at the people below you ? I would. Thats my aim for yearning for power.

Greatest apologies to my parents, i felt so guilty everytime i just tried to raise my voice at time. I'm really utterly sorry, i'm just inside a situation of letting people understanding me. I don't even understand myself at this point of time.

Am i the creator of this particular problem between the two of you ? Why in the first place should i ever appear infront of those innocent eyes of yours. Why?

Why do i get to lose 2 of the most important people in my life at this moment? Not physically, but mentally? I'm just really sorry for entering this.
|
Monday, October 23, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. --- Robert Louis Stevenson.

The harvest you reap, comes from the hard work you put in. No things in this particular world of us living in is without an input, a process and a result. 2 more weeks, just two more. The gce o levels is starting off with the maths paper 1.

Someone out there must be wishing upon that day, "after o levels, you will be nothing to me, i believe." Don't ever ask me how i managed to find your blog, even if you did so much manipulation the link.

Crack your brains and figure it out. I'm sure you can think of it. You're not at all stupid. You're clever, the only stupid people are those who can't unleash their utmost potential. So can i say, those late nights, those laughters, are all crushed.....

I tried, i really tried, believe it. I tried to walk away too, so many times, cause i'm sometimes just hurt by your words. Friendship often ends with love, but friendship with love? -- seldom or even never.

Utter bullshit, its really bullshit. I don't think in this way in the beginning, but till now, the perspective that you are giving to me is really closer and closer to that quote. I know you're going through hell lot toture, my greatest apologies for that.

Maybe after this entire shit, your life would remain as before, but one thing may be forever lost. A very good friend.

I don't aim for the impossible, but i aim higher than what i can actually acheieve. I'm always reaching for the stars. Why? I may not quite get them, but i won't come up with a handful of mud either when i reach for the stars.

I seldom blog, but i do blog when theres a need.
|
Saturday, October 21, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
My ideas are all lost, ALL OF IT! I just can't seem to think of anything to blog about, i have no life either to blog on!

Winna's and Steph's birthdays are reaching soon, shall wish them happy birthday in advance !
|
Wednesday, October 18, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
Former united states of america franklin roosevelt had this quotation, " A genius without an education is like barren mine. " Geniuses are not borned to be, they are in fact trained to be. Who is ever born to have every single knowledge in the world?

Everyone can be a genius, its a matter of fact whether how we use our brains. Geniuses know how to use more percentage of the brain than us. This is the only single thing that we are lacking behind them.

Tomorrow is sci-ence pratical examination. I just suck in it, i just don't know why i keep failing my pratical examination again and again. I'm so so so tired, i really want to sleep !

---Thank you.---
|
Monday, October 16, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
You spoke out your heart yesterday. i'm glad. I'm real sorry, i'm very very apologetic towards what i've done to make you feel this way.

I didn't know that, if i have know it. I would not carry out what i was intending to do then.

I'm just..............................
|
Sunday, October 15, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
I know, i wasted your time again. I'm real sorry, i didn't mean to. I can't tell you the truth also as if i was to tell you, i would not get to read it again. I'm real sorry.
|
Saturday, October 14, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
xyz, why not come straight to the point. Whats the point of beating around the bush ?
|
Thursday, October 12, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
I'm not in any mood, i'm just not. Not in the mood to talk to anyone, not in the mood to do anything. Let my mind flow, what comes into my mind, is what i'm going to do.

Tears dripped, when i read your last sentence of your post. I didn't love the wrong person, i loved the right person. You didn't always gave me sadness. You gave me happiness when you smile, you gave me sadness only when you are down.

I think of the happy times i had with you, even it was two whole months ago. The feeling was still there. Of course, love cannot be obligated, you followed your heart. You took responsible of the feelings and you answer that question.

I appreciate it, its true. Don't let this event dampened your mood. Tomorrow is a holiday, marking day. Enjoy whatever you can, reward yourself for the hard work u put in for this end of year examination.

I also hope that that will not be the last time we are going to msg each other. I passed all my energy to fate, no matter how cruel it is to me, i go by it. I miss you, certainly, but i can't do anyhting about it.
|
Wednesday, October 11, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
I'm just sorry, its the word that is meant to be said.

It's not for the fun, its not for the watever, think of what i have said to you. Think hard, and you will get the meaning. But i want to thank you, thank you and greatest apology.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to your blog. I heard for myself, in my own perception, its that song. That particular song just give me a pecuilar feeling that you are still thinking of him. Maybe i'm wrong, correct me if i'm wrong.

I know that i'm a sensitive chap, i just can't get over small little things. Any small, trivial matter, i would kick up a big fuss over it. That's when i care, i care, i really do. I won't let my mind run, if i did not care anything about it.

I found myself on the passage way to hell. I'm just on the track of no return. I was thinking of this thing when i was walking home. I just can't put you off my mind, no matter what particular situation i am in.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whats with esteem? What are the disadvantages and the advantages of high and low esteem? I love to say i have a spitting image of "****". A superstar. My god, but i would get criticised by whoever it is.

No matter who it is, everyone would laugh at me. Ironically, we were taught to have high self esteem. Who wants to be made a joke out of everyone? So we chose the alternative path, we abolish the new things that we learnt, we go to the old practices again.

I just can't thinking of anything to blog right at this time, all my intution flew, flew, flew. To a place where i cal it hell.
|
Saturday, October 07, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
It has been a day, since i touched my keypads using my fingers and sms you. Ask me why, its not that my feelings are fading. I'm just figuring something out. I thinking and thinking of ways to save this.

I seriously tell you, i fcuking hate one word replies in msn or whatever. I seriously hate it, but everytime when you reply one word, have i ever got pissed off ? Or have i took my time to think of what the hell to reply?

To me, one word reply means " nothing to say " . I use one word reply when i have "nothing to say". No offences, but i really find it really rather rude to say, "ya", blah blah blah. Whatever it is.

Why do i seem to think that i'm always the person that is always giving in ? When you reply with a one word msg, or msn. Have you thought that i am cracking my brains to think of what to say back to you, in order to not offend you. Or rather not make you bored.

No one is responsible of your feelings, running away from everything doesn't help to solve everything in general. Think it over after your exams, i tried my best to talk to you first whenever i am in msn or whatever.

Am i that bored to talk to ? Or am i just a pain in your flesh?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sorry if my words are too harsh, i just love to speak out from my heart. I'm sensitive, whatever you say. I just think that a blog is to be heard, what for phrase the setences into nice sentences and people get the wrong meaning over it?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really enjoy chatting with you when you're smiling happily, gleefully. I really love those times. I also love the times when we crack jokes, i cherish those times.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Never mind, i'm just an idiot.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its not about giving in, its about what you put in.
|
Thursday, October 05, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
Accidentally, i flipped through a bunch of letters without any permission. I took one up and read it. I understand the whole situation last time. I didn't know that, i really didn't know that.

I thought that we are far apart, so far apart that time. I didn't know that you are actually thinking of the problems in my perspective. The answer was certainly delayed for two days, in this heart of mine, i'm afraid that i would never have you again.

I hurted "someone" so badly, even i can feel the immense pain inside me. I turning into a complete idiot soon, real soon. I don't know what i can do the savage this particular situation.

I dun even know what are the ways to mend a broken heart. I was tossing and turning on bed, didn't slept a wink. I was thinking, thinking of a real stressful situation that can make me go bonkers anytime.

Had to make a decision no matter what, real sorry. If you are not hurt, i am hurt by the things that i have done, i have said. I'm real sorry.

Ratata, i really wish, really really wish to have you by my side. Be there when i'm down, happy, whatever. You gave me strength, you gave me hope, you gave me someone to hold and someone to love. Thats you.

These 2 months, two entire months. I tried my best but to no avail. God knows, only god understands me, but the god is not there. I had not once experienced it, nor felt it.

I cant even understand myself, and i'm god damn serious. My blog had remained stationary for such a long period of time. It's not that i'm lazy to blog, i blog! But as i type my post, intution starts to run out of my mind and i delete the whole post.

That made me skipped that day's post. I try to blog more often, but only if you guys are able to read the boring posts without falling asleep. There is one thing that doesn't need any intution to post.

Your daily life. Isn't it such a stupidity to blog about, "today i took the dog for a walk, then after that my dog saw a cat, the cat bite the dog, the dog eat the cat, blah blah blah."

These are really lame lame lame stories. There is nothing for me to blog at the moment, my prelims had just ended with very very very poor results it had left me.

I stop here for the day.

Those memories are still vivid in my mind. I love you, i seriously do
|
Thursday, October 05, 2006 | Author: Ivan Juntian
My blog has been so stationary for so long. I think that its really time for me to start blogging, the answer in particular has been delayed for two days. I don't mind as long as you are satisfied with this.

I need you dearly, there is one question always fluctuating in my mind. I do not have the courage to even speak it out to you. I kept this question in my mind, " Have you forgetton about him? "
|