Just This Love, 051106

Just another Sunday flew past.

Was working the whole morning, from 9 till 6. Who even predicted i got a scolding from my manager just the minute i reached work.

Pratically, who cares.

Anyway, after work. I came back to tampines to meet darling. She was just home from a big big big big big bombastic dinner treat. O my, "mongolian chicken". My saliva was dripping all onto the ground as soon as i heard that. How i wish, the chicken could stuff into my mouth.Wahahaha.

We went to eat some waffle hot dogs, after which we went to big bookshop. We sneaked into big bookshop knowing that they were actually closing. The truth is, we did it on purpose. Our motto, "Not to let them do their settlements, sales reports." Wohoooo.

They switched off their lights and we had to go no matter what. O my, what service they got!

Went over to prime supermarket below to shop. We were just crazily walking around like what typical singaporeans do. We squeezed apples, steal long beans. Wahahaha. We came to see this particular chocalate which we love it alot.


Our heart shape chocolate.

After that we bought each of us a yan yan. WOW! We asked each other questions posted on the yan yan biscuit.


Dear asked me this question, "an amphibiant". Immediately, i named frog.!!! WOohoo. Dear was so angry. She kept asking me, " How you know?

Haha, i'm clever alright. Had a real fun day, i name sunday our "yan yan day!"

School started about a week ago, to be exact, five days ago.

Friday, the last day of school for the weekend. I felt so restless when i woke up early in the morning. The thought of not going to school, revolved in my head. Somehow influenced by the devil inside me, somehow not.

I managed to got myself up after 15 more minutes of sleep. It was then i headed to school with the most uncomfortable feeling. School, school, school. I almost slept in the engine maths lecture this morning.

Till now, i'm still figuring out what the hell is "matrices".

Real tired, really tired.

I wish for a good rest on labour day.

Woke up quite early in the morning. Went to changi general hospital to visit my mum. She was hospitalized after a check up at the clinic yesterday.

Never once, i seen her being hospitalized. Never once, i seen her like that before. Never once, i regretted this much before.

I stepped into the hospital, i tried to recall the ward she was in to give her a surprise. But, i totally forgotten the ward number. I had to call my mum to ask, " Ma, your ward is what number ar?".

The first thing she replied wasn't her ward number, but it was... "You never work today?" After which, she said her ward number. She was still worrying about me even in her condition like that. I truly felt the pain in my heart.

I took the lift and went up to her ward and walked in straight to her bed. Some nurses were there helping her to install a packet of blood. They also injected a needle into her hand, how pain was it. Her face frowned for a second, it was painful, certainly it is.

I couldn't look straight into her eyes, seeing her in this state, my eyes teared. My eyes were almost red when i see her relieved face after the needle had gone through.

I sat beside her, i chatted with her. She is still reminding me of what our house is lacking in, and if we were having our meals without her cooking.

I couldn't take it, i cling on to my cell phone, i looked elsewhere. I just couldn't think of how much i hurt her when i'm often quarreling with her.

Her face is just so pale lying on the hospital bed. My heart was falling an inch as the packet of blood was dripping a little by a little. The pain she's going through, why didn't i take the time to understand her.

Visiting hours were over, i also had to rush to work. I left, with a goodbye. I left, after helping her replenish her water. I left, after i told her to take care of herself. I left, with tears in my eyes.

I walked into the lift, tears were dripping. I was indeed guilty about the things i've done. I was indeed guilty about the nonsense i gave.

Mum, take care of yourself... Without you, i dunno if i can survive on being independent. Without you, i dunno if i can carry on with my life like that. Without you, i'm nothing.

Darling, take care of yourself also. You're tired after a long day of schooling. I miss you alot too. I'm so looking forward to see you tomorrow. Darling, i love you lots. Now and for eternity. 05.11.06.

What a family i got, all i got. My singnet bill came today, not knowing what was actually happening, i picked up my phone and got a thrasing.

I remained speechless, i didn't actually got the chance of knowing, what was going on. Why? Can't we just explain things nicely? I reached home, first thing i got was nagging. Why? Am i always in the wrong?

Are parents always right? They asked me for respect, but did anyone in my family gave me respect? Just a little bit of that? We can have mutual respect, can't we?

I'm always wrong? I didn't went to sign my singnet bill? Am i wrong? It's not about the bill signing. Its that, my father insisted on going to singtel himself to sign the recontract? But what now? What's happening now?

I get the scolding? I deserve that? FUCK it man.

FUCK IT, FUCK You IDIOT.

I don't deserve a scolding when i did nothing wrong at all.

I work, they want the money. Never did i not ask a single cent from them when i go out, i still need to save for my bus fare.

My mum asked me, "so, how when you get your pay?" I have to give them every single cent? I need to pay for my bus fares, my own accessories, etc. I don't even have the money to buy my own things, i don't even dare to eat more when i'm out.

In their minds, they were thinking "who cares?". How i wish i can explain to them, how many things i wish to buy. How many things that i wish to have.

Nothing, i got nothing at all.

All i got, is nothing but a fucking family.

Went to bugis to watch meet the robisons today. Nice movie, but somehow not realistic.

The characters inside the movie are damn cute, especially the dino "tiny". We just cant stop laughing when the dino said, "I have a big head, but tiny hands. I don't know if this plan is through."

O my, it was damn funny. Especially frankie the frog! Darling certainly love the frog singing, "Oh yes, i can hear you from the snack line, chewing on the popcorn like its buffet time."

That movie may be imaginary, but its nice. "Keep moving forward" is the main motto of the movie. It means keep on trying whenever we fail in doing something.

From defeat, we learn. From defeat, success is nutured. Walt disney's movies always comes with a simple motto, which we can actually apply it in our daily lives.

Just came home from a musical, nice musical indeed. Although i didn't pay for it, but $20 for that is really worth it.

All the hard work, the crew put in. All the laughters throughout the show. A wonderful finale, wonderful closing. Excellent dance steps, everything is just so great.

Work is really tiring me out. Morning shift, waking up at 8 o clock for two entire days. I woke up with a real bad headache this morning. My head was as if it was cracking at any point of time. How i wish i can skip work for the day.

I pulled myself out of bed for a shower, after which, went to meet derrick and headed for work. All we do there is, "hi! pepsi for your drink?, sweet or salted for your popcorn?"

These two phrases are making me sick! Hope i can make it through.

I was asking shenny and darling about dxo and all kinds of clubbing places. I feel so dumb, i never ever step into those places before. Underage parties, ladies night, ... All these names sounds so attracting, but i have not seen it for myself once.

I'm so curious, curious to the extend that i wish to have a look for myself whats the commotion is like in clubs. One day, i would go! wahahahaha.

I'm going on a diet! I want to wear those medium sizes clothes again!

School is starting in another two weeks, excited yet not. All our 5-6 months of holiday,its gone just like that. 23th of april, o my. Whats poly life like? Its been long time since i held a pen and a calculator.

I'm expecting a brand new studying environment.

Take care everyone.

My darling, happy 5 months.

Its been such a blessing with you by my side always. I always feel so safe, so secure with you around. Whenever i'm down, i'm fustrated, you would be there. Sorry for all the temper i casted on you when i get really stressed. I love you, i always do. We belong together.

No matter what happens. We would go through every obstacle together. No matter what happens, i'll stay by your side. Darling, i love you. Without you, my world would not be perfect. Without you, my morning would be dark. Without you, i would have no emotions, i would not have the ability to speak. I love you, for now till eternity.