Just This Love, 051106

Woke up quite early in the morning. Went to changi general hospital to visit my mum. She was hospitalized after a check up at the clinic yesterday.

Never once, i seen her being hospitalized. Never once, i seen her like that before. Never once, i regretted this much before.

I stepped into the hospital, i tried to recall the ward she was in to give her a surprise. But, i totally forgotten the ward number. I had to call my mum to ask, " Ma, your ward is what number ar?".

The first thing she replied wasn't her ward number, but it was... "You never work today?" After which, she said her ward number. She was still worrying about me even in her condition like that. I truly felt the pain in my heart.

I took the lift and went up to her ward and walked in straight to her bed. Some nurses were there helping her to install a packet of blood. They also injected a needle into her hand, how pain was it. Her face frowned for a second, it was painful, certainly it is.

I couldn't look straight into her eyes, seeing her in this state, my eyes teared. My eyes were almost red when i see her relieved face after the needle had gone through.

I sat beside her, i chatted with her. She is still reminding me of what our house is lacking in, and if we were having our meals without her cooking.

I couldn't take it, i cling on to my cell phone, i looked elsewhere. I just couldn't think of how much i hurt her when i'm often quarreling with her.

Her face is just so pale lying on the hospital bed. My heart was falling an inch as the packet of blood was dripping a little by a little. The pain she's going through, why didn't i take the time to understand her.

Visiting hours were over, i also had to rush to work. I left, with a goodbye. I left, after helping her replenish her water. I left, after i told her to take care of herself. I left, with tears in my eyes.

I walked into the lift, tears were dripping. I was indeed guilty about the things i've done. I was indeed guilty about the nonsense i gave.

Mum, take care of yourself... Without you, i dunno if i can survive on being independent. Without you, i dunno if i can carry on with my life like that. Without you, i'm nothing.

Darling, take care of yourself also. You're tired after a long day of schooling. I miss you alot too. I'm so looking forward to see you tomorrow. Darling, i love you lots. Now and for eternity. 05.11.06.